My Calm

01

Monday December 31st 2012 -New Year's Eve

I felt a tugging on my arm and looked down to see my younger sister, Harmony, pulling at my hand.

It was 2012, New Year's Eve, I was 13 and my sister was only 2, just able to reach my hand at the time. I picked her up and propped her on my side as we stood in our front yard waiting for the fireworks that our neighbours always set off on New Years. We lived in a good neighbourhood so my parents didn't see the harm in a little commotion, just for one night.

"10... 9... 8..." We could hear them start the countdown and we began counting with them.

5... 4... 3..." What we heard next sounded like fireworks and I wish it was, I wish it could have just been some early fireworks let off accidentally, a harmless mistake. But this mistake was anything but harmless.

My Father fell to the ground and Harmony screamed, I barely got a glimpse of the car that the gunshots came from, I was too focused regrettably not on my father but on my sister.

"Take her inside Carter, now!" My mother yelled and I did so.

I walked up the stairs and laid her down in her bed, I had barely realised what had happened until my sister was out of my arms. I ran down the stairs two at a time and by the time I was out the front door I was being ushered back in by a paramedic, I didn't think he understood so I pleaded.

"That's my father, please!" I cried as if I could have helped him more than any paramedic, doctor, or nurse.

Of course he stayed calm and asked me to step back inside to which I coldly replied with more tear ridden cries of 'please' and 'you don't understand' with loud, inaudible sobs of anguish in between, but he didn't budge.

He kept his calm demeanour and once more advised me to go inside the house, away from the commotion. I coldly obliged as my attention was finally taken away from the flashing lights, sirens, and technical terms the paramedics were using when I heard my sisters loud squeals coming from upstairs.

A woman stepped into my house as I walked downstairs with my sister on my hip. ,she was wearing a blue uniform with white shoes, her hair neatly pulled back, she seemed calm about the whole situation which I commend her for seeing as the scene outside was playing out to be very stressful for everyone.

"Your mother Kate told me you'd be in here, my name is Cassie, I'm an ambulance driver." She stuck out her hand and I adjusted harmony on my hip so I could greet Cassie.

"I'm Carter, This is Harmony." I said walking over to the living room couch.

"Please, sit." I said to her, she came over and sat on the couch opposite me.

I was trying my hardest to hold back my tears but my outburst earlier made it hard for me to keep my emotions at bay. I had a strong bond with my father, stronger than with anyone else, I was just like him but he saw my mothers ambition in me, he tells me that's the reason he loves me most. As I thought about what happened and replayed the scene in my head trying to remember every little detail, I had hoped that if something like this ever happened that it would play out in slow motion and I would know exactly what to do but it was so fast, merely a little flash before me. The more I tried to remember the more I cried, my hands would shake, my lungs felt as if they were threatening to quit on me as I tried to breath in and out.

"Carter?" I heard Cassie say.

"I'm sorry?" I said replying dryly, I didn't realise I wasn't listening to her.

"Carter I know this is hard for you, trust me I understand, but you need to listen to me. They're taking your father to the hospital and once all the commotion out there has cleared I'm going to take you and your sister down there, your mother is riding with your father in the ambulance and once we get a hold of her she's going to decide what happens so you might stay at the hospital or get picked up by a relative or family friend, is that okay with you?" She said, I tried my hardest to listen but most of what she said went in one ear and out the other.

I simply nodded in response, I didn't want to talk to her and her calm nature was becoming worrying as my sister and I were in a completely hysterical state just minutes ago.