Feather Boy

II.

He murdered them in the night, while they were sleeping.

He convinced himself that it was strategic - there would be no sound, no way for them to intervene, no way for Luke to find out. But it was really because he could not bear the thought of seeing the life leave their eyes and their recognition glittering in their pupils. Their eyes would stay closed for the rest of eternity, and he had made sure of it.

There was no time for him to regret his actions or check if they were dead again. It didn't more how much potential Ben had, Luke was still the Jedi and would not hesitate to stop him in any way possible. The death of Luke Skywalker would have to wait until after Ben Solo was fully trained by another. That was where he was running to, guided only by a whisper.

When he had first started training as Jedi, the whispers from his childhood had subsided. For a while, he wondered if they had ever truly existed. Perhaps it was all a hallucination, brought on by the doubt that always maintained its fog in the back of his mind.

But when they returned, they were clearer than ever. The voice seemed more determined, far closer to him than ever before. It revealed itself as part of the dark side, offering Ben everything he ever wanted. The voice claimed he would have a place to belong, power beyond belief, and the ability to pursue what he'd craved since childhood - the path of Darth Vader.

He didn't truly listen to it until it told him that the dark side used emotion to drive power. Ben had not realized this, as all he had known was his parents' side of the stories against the dark side and his Jedi training. He knew the Jedi code and how he was supposed to find tranquility instead of lashing out. The first line of the Jedi code was seared in his mind.

There is no emotion, only peace.

It disturbed him to think he was meant to find inner peace on his own. He needed to rid himself of emotion to be a Jedi, or so it seemed. The very idea seemed maddening, leading him to doubt if he would ever achieve such a state. He had been known amongst the apprentices for his fits of rage if things didn't go the way he wished them to. Ben felt that if he had more control and less doubt, he would easily be the best of them all.

He was chastised for it by some, despised for it by others, and loathed for it by himself. It reminded him of how he had been a child terrified to come to train and learn to become a Jedi - somehow, he'd always known it would not work. It was not for him. No one except the whispers from the shadows understood that.

Sometimes he wished he was back with his family, with Han and Leia and stories and Feather Boy. But that life was gone. There was no way to return to it, not now.

Instead of giving in to his longing for the past, he chose to accept the guidance of the voice that had followed him since birth. Now that he had learned to hone his power, he was able to carry out what had been planned for him. His Jedi training would not go to waste, as it would be the first step on his training as something else - something better, something that suited him better. All he had to do was choose the dark side.

Ben gave in. Choosing a new path was far easier than attempting to suppress his emotions to become a Jedi.

The Jedi path was destined to fail, so he left it before it crumbled apart. But, as the voice never failed to remind him, he could not simply leave. Luke had already noticed the darkness forging its insidious path into Ben's soul, and he was taking every effort to prevent it from going further.

Thus, Ben had to embrace the dark side once and for all and leave to pursue his true calling in the dark side. The voice informed him to kill off his fellow apprentices. He hesitated at first. He had trained with these others for years, and even though many of them had infuriated or disappointed him at one time or another he could not deny that he cared for him.

But the whispers from the shadows were relentless - he was to overcome these attachments and murder the Jedi apprentices. They would become his enemies if they were to survive, and they would surely not hold back in trying to destroy him once he left for the dark side. They were to mean nothing to him. He would become the Jedi Killer and renounce his apprenticeship and all he had known.

One night, Ben decided to stop putting it off. He went to his fellow apprentices, one by one, and killed them. His silent massacre spread through the apprentices like a disease. He tried to ignore his quivering hands and instead embrace the power that flowed through his soul as their lives faded away into eternal sleep. He cursed his nerves and the emotions he tried to push away.

And the doubt pushed at the back of his mind. Maybe he had done the wrong. He didn't have a clue what the voice was planning to make him do. He was given promises but no clear way to get to them. But his choice had already been made, the Jedi apprentices never to wake.

He knew just one thing for certain - Ben Solo was dead. Along with every other Jedi apprentice, Ben Solo was murdered.