NO HOPES OR DREAMS

CHAPTER 18

CHARLIE'S P.O.V.

I layed on my bed, curled up into a ball, crying into my pillow. I thought of how I was going to spend the rest of my small pathetic life with a man that doesn't care for me and treats me like a wild animal. What made things even worse was that Jared thinks that I want this. That I don't love him or ever did. I let myself give my heart to him and it's all gone exactly the way I thought it would. I should never of given in to him.

I sat up wiping the tears from my face. I looked over at my dressing table and saw a pare of scissors. I didn't think much at first till the blade got into my sight. Everything around it was like a blur, almost like it was calling to me. I pushed my lifeless body up from my bed of sin and walked slowly towards the blade. Once I held them in my hand I new instantly that I had no other option but to use them.

Deep breaths left my lips as my eye's closed shut. I ran the blade along my palm till I began to move it up to my rist. Slowly it moved up further, past my elbow, along my shoulder, till it got to my kneck. I could feel my breasts getting wet from the tears that ran down my cheeks from my red sore eye's.

" It will all end. Just do it before your courage disappears". I say to myself in a faint voice.

The blades feel cold on the side of my neck. I grabe the ends with my fingers and thumb, making them spread out as far as they can go. 'SNIP'. I feel soft hair brush past the side of my body, before it floats to the ground. I look in the mirror and see myself as I continue to cut my hair off. Till it's all gone from my head and laying at my feet.

A slight smile appears across my face as I look at the destruction that I've done to my hair, making my appearance look completely different. I look thinner and far more less appealing. No way will he want me now. With any luck he'll get into a big fight with the boss and they'll end up killing each other.

'Knock Knock'. Comes from my door.

" Come in". I say after clearing my throat.

Jared walks in with a worried look on his face, that quickly turns into fear.

J" What the fuck are you doing"

He quickly runs over to me and grabbs the scissors from my hand. He looks down at his feet to see what he's standing on. A look of relief appears before letting out a big sigh.

J" Thank god"

C" What". I'm a little confused as I'm not really sure what he's thinking.

J" When I saw the scissors..I thought you were going to take your life. Then I saw the hair on the ground"

C" Why would I take my life. Yes my life sucks but never enough to end it"

J" Good". He tries to touch my cheek.

C" Your actually happy about that. You could have fooled me". I say with an angry tone as I walk away from him.

He grabbs my arm and pulls me into his chest. I try to push him away but he's too strong and I eventually give in.

J" I never want you to leave. Not unless it's with me far far away from this place"

C" But you said.."

J" Never mind what I said. I'm an idiot that thinks the worst and never gives anyone a chance to tell their side of the story"

C" So you know the truth of why I'm going"

J" Yes and it makes me so angry"

I cuddle into him. Wrapping my arms around him tight as he does with me, with a stream of tears flowing from my eye's again.

J" I hope you can forgive me for being such an asshole"

C" My love for you makes me forgive you, but never do it again. I would never hurt you on purpose. You are my one true love and nothing will change that"

His arms get tighter around my body and kisses longer and harder on my forehead.

J" Why have you cut your beautiful hair" .He said stroking my head.

C" So I look ugly. I thought that maybe he wouldn't want me anymore if I look as bad as this"

J" If only this would of worked. Your far too beautiful that if you were to have a huge scar on your face he would still want you". He says with a sigh.

C" What am I going to do". I say out of breath from crying even harder.

J" We'll find a away. I promise we'll find a way"