Damaged » h. styles au

Chapter 23 - Harry

After a long while staring deep into my eyes, she seemed to soften, and right before she shrugged off of my hold and walked back into the house, I could swear I saw her smiling slightly at me. It would’ve been impossible to notice that ridiculously little smile if I wasn’t paying so much attention to her features.

Why was I paying so much attention to her features?

I stood in the middle of the street for a few more seconds, trying to recompose from the tingling sensation of my empty hand, no longer pressed again the skin of her arm. That was dangerous; that was more than extremely dangerous. I knew it was wrong, I knew I shouldn’t be feeling that way, but it’s not like I could help it.

Leigh was right. I had a crush on her. Not that I could avoid that fact anymore.

I don’t know why, or how that happened, but I had a crush on Kirsten. Leigh and I had talked a lot that day and she explained a lot of things about feelings that I had no idea they even existed. Feelings are complicated. Girls are way better on that than what we are, not a single doubt of that. She seemed to understand so easily what was going through my mind that it actually scared me. Was I that obvious? But then I realized that no, I wasn’t. Davie and Mark are my best friends and they haven’t noticed anything different since I met Kirsten.

But maybe that was because they knew me for too long, and they were already used to how I constantly changed my behavior. Maybe Leigh, who knows me for no longer than a month and a half, is not used to me yet; therefore, every single small change gets noticed. Besides, she’s damn smart, and not only that, but she’s also quite perceptive. I bet her brain is a hell of a machine, so I shouldn’t be so surprised for the fact that she seems to know me better than I do.

She was definitely someone who I’d count on from now on, ‘cause she had it, she had the capacity to understand me like no one had ever done before; not even my own mother. Leigh got it, in an hour of talking she had not only comprehended me, but she had also made me understand that I was, indeed, starting to have feels for Kirsten.

Right now it was nothing but a crush, but I knew it would turn into something more if I didn’t watch out; and I would have to. I couldn’t grow fond of a girl that certainly wasn’t good for me, and besides that, she was also taken. That was terribly wrong. Even if her boyfriend (Tyler, I think) wasn’t the best a girl deserves, he was still her boyfriend, and he’d been for years according to what Angel had said to me. I couldn’t do that to Kirsten, I couldn’t take her boyfriend away just because I was getting into her life; and mostly, I couldn’t do that to myself. Damn, I was getting into her life! At least that’s what I wanted to do.

She hated me after all, and I knew I shouldn’t get into that field. It was way too dangerous and I couldn’t allow myself to get hurt again. And I’m pretty sure Kirsten was going to do that. She showed no interest on me at all, and I doubted she ever would. She was taken.

And maybe that was the point, the reason why I felt attracted to her. Not because she was taken – I’m not that kind of guy –, but because she seemed to be impossible. And maybe because I’d been impossible myself for all those years, I thought we fit somehow. Dammit, I was troubled, wasn’t I?

Being all alone didn’t help much either. I was outside, sitting on the grass while looking at the window of Angel’s room, watching as Kirsten and the little girl truly laughed at something that I quite couldn’t put a finger on. I’d like to be there, laughing with them, but I knew Kirsten didn’t want me around. She was much happier without me. She was better with the girl she loved.

And yet, I couldn’t go away, I couldn’t just leave that house, even knowing that that was probably the right thing to do. But Angel had invited me after all, hadn’t she? At least one of them wanted me there, and I told myself that that was the reason why I hadn’t left, even if I knew it was a lie. I was actually enjoying seeing Kirsten through the window, acting like an old sister. Why was she so adorable with Angel when she seemed to truly hate the rest of the world?