The Diary Of A Random Teenager

Meeting me

Dear friend,
Hi, you are probably expecting some kind of introduction, well i have nothing serious to tell you except that i'm a sixteen year old who just start my first year in university, who reads a lot (if i were to choose between reading and being social, i will choose reading); you will probably be wondering why, well my reason is simple; it helps me escape the world and have an upper hand when talking to people( i give you an example later on in the book). I also have different opinion about things, even of topics that people around me don't know of because i'm afraid they will hurt me. For example i will admit for the first time in my life( i can't believe I'm admitting this in a book) i read on ebooks mostly gay books, i believe that people should have the right to love who they want. I have gay role models; i mean my top three youtubers are gay and proud. But it doesn't mean i am gay or a lesbian. You are probably wondering why i don't want people to know; well this is what i experienced when going through Neil Patrick-Harris pictures on instagram and liking them, my cousin snatched my phone from me because she thought i was doing something else because i was smiling (like watching a bad thing) and saw his pictures and asked me if i was gay and why i was looking at his pictures. I didn't reply , just collected my phone and moved away. This experience made me form a prejudice that other people will take it the same way.
I am not a loner, i have two bestfriends and somebody that likes me and i like the person back but i am will to see if this person will wait until i'm ready to date. My bestfriends are cool, and i've got like the cliche type, a boy and a girl. But this isn't a movie where the boy is in love with the girl. This is because they haven't met each other. The boy i met in secondary school, my first senior class(we call it ss1) how we became friends i don't know all i know is that i put in a good word for him with the girl he liked so much, because i know he is a good guy and they have been together for 2 years. My bestfriend that is a girl; i knew her from church, if i haven't written that, well i'm a religious person from a religious home which makes people knowing that i read gay book a really bad thing. I have driven away from the main point again, my literature teacher and English teacher in secondary both said i do this a lot. Well i met my best friend who is a girl at an early age and we've both been close ever since.
It is not that i don't socialize, i do but i get tired of chatting with people because i am normally a quiet person and a very quiet person to strangers and we do not have anything reasonable to talk about, i bet both of my best friends will deny this, they think i'm insane. I love listening to music, which was my first escape, when i found out that i was depressed, even till now nobody knows about my depression because i smile a lot and laugh too, even i don't know the difference between my real smile and the fake one i put up, because i'm just that good, except i'm pretty sure my father has an idea(i will explain in later chapters). I started been depressed i don't know when, i didn't even know i was depressed, until when i look back and remember all the time i picked up a knife to end my life but i was to much of a coward to do it but i do not encourage suicide; i hate it; i hate when i hear a kid died from killing himself, then i remember most of us have reason we want to do that to ourselves.
My favourite cartoon is scooby doo, you are probably wondering the usefulness of this information. All i want to tell you that it taught me that the real monsters are humans. If you don't read classic books like perks of being a wallflower, lord of the flies, pride and prejudice, to kill a mockingbird and you haven't read any sidney Sheldon books you may not understand where my bases are form, apart from my life. Human beings are the most dangerous creatures on earth and also the most powerful. Forget about what your science teacher told you. What he told you doesn't relate to reality. We have the power to create and destroy, i am sorry if i offend anybody by relating this to a book in the bible the book of James in the new testament told me that our tongue is like fire that burns and we should be careful how we use or tongue. I know what it feels like to be broken not only with a rod(cane) but also with words to the extent i don't feel anymore, i have never cried over anybody's death, i can't say sincere apology to someone i might have mistakenly hurt;which i funny because i might hit a table or chair and the word sorry flys from my mouth immediately. I don't know to sympathize with others when they are in pain sometimes it hurts me too.
It funny how i have picked up the knife but never cut. But i do burn but only my palm where it doesn't show.
I am way too tired to continue but i will tell you my story later in the next chapter.

Yours sincerely,
The writer