Hit the Stage

Romea and Juliet (Waverly)

(November 2014) 

I'm sitting on the stage, sprawled out like a starfish when the Drama Advisor Mrs. Rivers suddenly says, "What if we did Romeo and Juliet for the Spring Play? But with lesbians?"

I had never seen an actual spit-take before that moment.

"Are you fucking joking?" Rey, star of most Lizbet Keane productions, snaps immediately while wiping water from her chin, "We'd get slaughtered before the first rehearsal."

"Would we though?" I murmur, but people seem to hear me.

"Wave has a point," Scarlet says, even though I actually don't, "There have been billions of R+J adaptations with straight people. They had one with those goddamn gnomes a couple years ago. What's the problem with having one that's gay? Romeo and Juliet is even a heterosexual adaptation."

"Tristan and Isolde, right?" Winnie Rose asks, kicking her long legs as she sits on the edge of the stage.

"I thought it was Pyramus and Thisbe," A know-it-all freshman interjects. I try not to be rude to them, but they don't really get to talk. Their blood, sweat and tears (literally and figuratively) are not on this stage. 

"Wasn't there an Italian one way before it? Romeus and Juliet?" Hollis says, lifting her head from resting on my stomach.

"Nerd" I mouth at her, causing her to hit me where she was just resting. She spins so she's on her stomach and elbows just nearby

"I've been talking with the administration about doing this for about a year. And they're behind me." Mrs. Rivers says.

Lily frowns, "You talked to them without talking to us first?" Her pout is well-mastered, as another lead in most Lizbet Keane plays.

Mrs. Rivers sighs, "I wanted to clear it with them in case I got your hopes up and had them dashed by the administration. Now that it looks like we can get some support from the faculty and Headmistress. And I want to know your thoughts."

No one says anything.

"Do I have to put any of you on the spot? Jesus, you're actresses, don't you want to talk about anything?"

I start, when no one else seems to volunteer, "Well, I think it'd be a fun way to shake the story up. Plus, it's not like we can invite guys into our school production anyway."

"Playing devil's advocate, we could technically ask the boys from our brother school," Mrs. Rivers offers.

"The Larry Boys?" Even Lily makes a face, and she's the nicest person in our year. Everyone else just groans and makes every type of "no way in hell" noise as possible, in a very blatant way.

Even though the Lizbet Keane Preparatory School for Young Ladies (Now just referred to as Lizbet Keane Prep or Liz Keane) and The Lawrence Waterford School that's been all boys since the 1820s (their students are derogatorily called "Larry Boys") are in fact brother-and-sister schools, there's a Lysistrata-esque rivalry to our two schools. Plus, they are all collectively terrible at acting because they think it's "feminine" even though all Liz Keane girls are good at things both traditionally masculine and feminine.

Rey rolls her eyes, "Those assholes only care about their lacrosse sticks and trying to reform the lesbians here."

I raise my hand, not moving from my starfish position because it feels really good on my back, "And the bisexuals." Rey points her water bottle at me in solidarity. I grin in response. Maybe because I think she's hot. Maybe because solidarity is fun to smile at. Who knows?

"And the asexuals," Scarlet shudders, "Stephen Westbrook still thinks the right dick can 'cure me.'" Hollis starts gagging, causing Scarlet to laugh.

"Point made," Mrs. Rivers says, "Just saying that might be a response as to why we might need to add boys to the play."

"We can add boys to the play and still make it a lesbian love story," Amethyst, one of the stage techs, says. "But come on, Mrs. Rivers, everyone knows the Larry boys hate acting. They haven't put on a full-assed performance in a decade."

Mrs. Rivers hides her snort behind her palm, "I won't say on the record that that's a fair assessment, Amethyst," She showily winks at all of us and we all laugh because Mrs. Rivers is everyone's favorite. She's only been a professor for a few years, but rose in popularity immediately. I've even been to her house and babysat her kids. Or just had dinner because her wife loves me.

"But, back to the my original question," She eyes us all for getting her off-track, "Raise your hand if you're on board with a lesbian Romeo and Juliet."

And the entire crowd raises their hands.