Don't Hurt Me - Leo and Raph Fanfic

My Head Knows - Leo's POV

          Candles line the concrete. They cast dancing shadows across the floor, and movements creeping over our bodies. Candles are placed carefully around Raphael's body. We cleaned him best we could, it's weird how we dull someone up even after their death, even when their dead, even at their funeral. It doesn't make sense to me. Raph wouldn't have liked to be in a tux or anything anyway. He wouldn't have wanted any flours, roses though he would have loved. He's always loved red roses. The ones that look like they're drenched in leaking blood. Somehow, he saw the beauty in then. He use to go on about how the thorns were the most important part. And how the actual blossom was just a distraction.
          "A defence mechanism an' offensive technic." He told me. "An' that's what makes it so beautiful... All its qualities."
          Clenched in my hands I hold many roses. Donnie has some, along with the rest of my family. I picked the roses myself. Pricked my fingers many times, and as I hold the beautiful things so tightly in my hands they might snap, blood surfaces to match their petals.
          Nobody speaks. Which isn't really suppose to happen at funerals because someone is suppose to say a whole bunch of crap... I think it's a load of cow dung because I realize now that funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the living. Its that last chance to talk to and about the person that's died. But everything they say is just something they should have said before... When it wasn't too late.
          "Farewell Raphael... My son... May you rest in peace and may I see you again..." Sensei barely whispers as tears flood his eyes and he lets his roses drop onto Raph's body. Donnie follows, Mikey does the same. Just before I throw the roses onto my brother, I kiss a blossom and smell them... They smell like Raph... That's why he always smelt so good...
          Mikey and Donnie push Raph off the stone edge and the board floats in the water... Away down he goes. Down the river away from home. Everyone else turns away. Retreating back. But me, I stay to watch until I can no longer see my little brother... And one rose is left twirling in my fingers... Drawing blood from my hands as thorns prick but I don't care.
          Time ticks by... Seconds turn into minutes. Minutes turn into hours. I lose track of how long I sit there. With my feet dangling over the edge in the water, rose twirling back and forth, back and forth... My shoulders are slumped like some invisible character leans, pushing down on them. I can't take my eyes off the water... Where I last saw Raph... I wait almost like I'm waiting for someone... I know who I'm waiting for... I feel like he's going to come paddling pack to me with a smirk on his face. Or all of a sudden pop his head up out of the water and spit it at me. Or suddenly grab my arm and yank me in. But as much as my heart hopes... My mind knows.
          It's suppose to be the opposite, follow the heart... But my black heart is too drenched in thick waters to know which way is up and which way is down. My head holds the only logic, only truth I know. My heart feels nothing but a sea of sorrow, agony and destruction. My mind... My head... Knows.