what i hate about myself

•5d•

I hate how I attached I get to people. I hate the feeling of ripping my skin apart to feel something; but I love it. I can't stand the fact that if someone's nice to me I feel like I have to devote my life and existence to them.

I hate myself oh so much. I detest everything about myself there's nothing I can pinpoint that I like about me. I hate how I have to be the role model in my family, in school, in society. I hate how I should accept being cat-called, shouted vulgar slurs just because I'm fat and ugly and it doesn't happen often to people like me. If that's so, how come it happens roughly every week?

I hate how I have healthy lungs and don't deserve them yet there's a kid in the world dying of lung cancer. I hate how my heart beats when someone just wants that extra second before their death to tell someone they love them. I hate how I can't convey my emotions properly and just cry all the time.

I'm an attention seeking little no good shit that deserves fuck all. I just want to die. I wish it was easy to jump but when creeping black shadows in your head consume you with whispers of ,"let's us stay a little longer", "walk while living on your death bed sweetie." 

I hardly eat, hardly sleep, hardly give a shit anymore. See you all six feet under...