10 Things: A Cody Simpson Fan Fiction

Thirty-two

          Heaving a quiet sigh at that same old line in the sixth day now, I kept my gaze strenuous on Merinda for a couple more seconds before slowly rising from my seat with a tad struggle, leaning over to give my own girlfriend a kiss on the forehead.

          “I love you,” I whispered into her ear, before straightening my back, turning around to walk out of the pink ward.

          Last night I had barely managed to keep my eyes closed—the longest I’d slept was only an hour and a half because that’s all that I had managed persuading myself to get. I damn well knew I was exhausted, deprived of sleep and food, and I still am, but really.

          There’s nothing I could do to myself to change my ways now. It’s just like trying to change the fact that I’d gotten Merinda into this state, bloody hell, it’s all my fault.

          That’s a fact.

          Taking the first step out, I walked straight ahead with my head hung low before I felt the cooling hospital wall pressed tightly against the top of my head, making me close my stinging eyes that could only be lessened by punching the wall—and so I did.

          That’s exactly what I did.

          The moment the hurt rose inside of me, I lifted my fists into midair before throwing it straight forward, letting the pain on my knuckles soothe me emotionally.

          I needed physical pain to take away my emotional pain.

          “Aye, Codes,” Ryan’s voice rung in my ears from my back, making me hesitate from looking up—but I still did it anyway. I really can’t afford pushing people away now, because otherwise I’d end up with having nobody and that would… basically kill me as a whole.

          Raising my head trying to be oblivious to the jabs of pain prodding inside, I held back each wince that threatened to show before smoothly jerking my chin at Ryan, twitching a corner of my lips ever so lightly to make sure my pain wasn’t entirely obvious.

          “Sup, Nassif,” I acknowledged, making my way over to the empty lot next to him with Matt on my other side. “How was your flight?”

          “It was bad,” he groaned, throwing his head against the wall. “I’m having a migraine right now. How’s your body coping?”

          I hesitated a little bit, pushing my head lightly against the wall for a slight rest. “I’m not even going to lie and say I feel marvelous because I feel far from that—my head is aching, and so is my body and my legs and I haven’t even trained myself for like nearly a week, ouch.”

          “Damn, you need to get yourself together,” he stated, giving my shoulder a light pat of encouragement,

          “I know it’s difficult and probably one of the last things you’re able to do, but think about how you could still take care of your girl with a strong body. I mean, what would happen if you carry this on? You won’t be able to care for her anymore because then, you’ll be too weak.”

          I froze.

          Damn, you need to get yourself together…

          My eyebrows furrowed together.

          What would happen if you carry this on…

          My jaws tightened.

          You won’t be able to care for her anymore because then, you’ll be too weak…

          My hands clenched themselves tightly together.