Something Golden

Chapter Two: Haymitch

Katniss is silent on the way to the train station and I don't feel like talking, either. Notonly did many people die, I had to leave the one person behind, whocould help me through the darkest of days. Now, I need to use everyounce of will to not walk over to the bar and grab a bottle. I justwant to drink until I pass out, but I can't. I have to take care ofKatniss. That's what I've promised Peeta and Effie and myself. Icould never forgive myself if anything happened to her. She hasfought so hard and lost so much, I can't believe how strong she is.She's stronger than anyone else that I know. She's stronger than me.She never stopped fighting, even when things got very dark aroundher. And I'm sitting here, craving booze that could knock out thebiggest guys, just in order to get rid of the pain. I wish Effie washere. She helped me through so much. She would know what to say andwhat to do. I'm sitting here, as silent as a rock and looking at thisgirl, this young, brave girl and hoping I could be strong enough forher. Katniss' eyes are distant and filled with sorrow. She had towatch her little sister get blown to bits right in front of her. Thatsweet, innocent little girl, who was so kind and always ready to helpthose in need. Prim was so smart and so young. She had no business inthe Capitol. But Coin isisted on sending her, claiming they neededevery medic they had for the soldiers and the Capitol citizens. Backthen, I tried to reason with her. Prim was not old enough yet, but asCoin asked her, she didn't even hesitate to say yes. Her mother wason my side, saying they should rather send her than Prim. "You'vealready sent one of my daughters in the heart of the war and now youwant to send Prim, too? Send me instead and let Prim help here.",she said. But Coin ignored her and even had the guts to say she'll beperfectly safe. I didn't know how dark Coin's intentions really were,but then I saw that hovercraft with the Capitol seals and theparachutes. I was told there were supplies in the containers andthought they would drop them off over the Capitol to help thecitizens, but I was so wrong. I should've stopped them. I could'vesaved Prim. But I didn't. And then, as Katniss shot Coin at Snow'sexecution, I knew she had found out. Snow must've told her. Coinmight've helped free the country, but in the end, she would've beenno better than Snow. Suggesting Hunger Games with Capitol kids? Giveme a break. I only agreed to it, because Katniss did and because Iknew Katniss was planning something.

We sit here in silencefor a few hours until I get up and stretch. "Alright, sweetheart.Time for bed, come on.", I say and guide Katniss into her room."We'll be home soon.", I say before I leave and walk into myroom. I take off my clothes and get in the shower and wish I hadkissed Effie longer. The feeling of her lips finally touching minewas so sweet, sweeter than anything else. This brief moment gave memore peace than hundreds of bottles of liquor could. I yearn for thatfeeling of peace and hope. I want all the pain and emptiness to justgo away.

That night, my dreams arefilled with the horrific images of my Games and the war. This time,it's not Maysilee's screams I hear, ripping through the air, it'sEffie's. I try to reach her but before I do, she gets blown sky-high.I wake up clutching a knife and bathed in sweat. I put the knife onthe nightstand and wipe the sweat off my face. My first instinct isto grab a bottle, but I hold myself back. Instead, I put on myclothes and walk into the dining area. Katniss is sitting in front ofan empty plate and blankly staring at the wall. I sit down acrossfrom her, take a sip of coffee and then say, "Goodmorning,sweetheart". She doesn't reply. She just keeps looking at the wall."You should eat something.", I say and then she looks at me. Hereyes are red and puffy. She nods and then starts picking at a muffin.I don't really feel like eating, myself, but because I just toldKatinss to eat, I might as well choke down a muffin as well. We soonreach District 12 and as soon as we step onto the platform, I feel ashiver go down my spine. Most of the dead have already been broughtto the meadow, where a mass grave waits. But the horrible things thathappened here are still very visible. The charred earth, the burningmines that still belch out smoke in the distance and all thedestroyed buildings. We pass the ruins of the bakery on our way tothe Victor's Village and Katniss stops for a moment. "Peeta.",she whispers and I feel my jaw tighten at the sight of the meltedmetal of the oven. "I know.", I whisper back and gently give hershoulder a squeeze. As we reach the Victor's Village, I watch herwalk into her house and then walk into mine. The emptiness I feltbefore is now even stronger. Now, that Katniss has left me, too, Ifeel it crashing over me like a tidal wave. I lean my back againstthe front door and slide down. The tears come falling and they don'tstop. So much pain flows through me. My own pain, Katniss' pain andthe pain of those, who died. I know things will get better, but rightnow, it feels like the world is shattering around me. I don'trealize, how long I have been crying, until I fall asleep. I wake upa few hours later and stagger up the stairs into bed. When I wake upthe next morning, I hear the phone ringing and as I sit up, I feelhow wet my cheeks are. I must've been crying again while I slept. Itake a deep breath and wipe the tears off my cheeks before I godownstairs and answer the phone.