My Neighbor, Mr. Rogers

Chapter Sixteen - Relationships are Dumb. All of Them. Just the Worst.

And so my days are spent for the next year. Five days a week at the library. A movie night with Steve once a week when he's in town (and he isn't in town much more often than he is). My self defense classes once a week – after the mugging incident Steve had made me promise not to walk so far by myself at night, but he's been gone a lot recently so I've been going to my classes alone without telling him. I get together with the group a little less frequently than once a month.

Steve, Clint, and Nat are sent out on more and more missions, Bruce is traveling again, Tony is preoccupied with some new tech he's working on, and Thor doesn't visit very often. So I spend more and more time at the park and picking up extra shifts at the library when I can. It fills my days, but my nights...well, my nights are quiet and solitary. I miss my mother and Steve more keenly without distractions. 'Lonely', is the word, I suppose. When I sit still and let myself think, I'm lonely.

Steve has been gone for just over two weeks. I'm getting ready to leave for work this morning when I hear him leave his room.

'That's strange. He didn't text me to let me know he made it home. He was probably just exhausted?'

I run to open my door so I can catch him before he leaves again when his voice drifts through. He's talking to someone one or two doors down. I ease my door open a crack – not spying exactly, just snooping a little.

It's Kate. She moved in nearly a year ago. I brought her cookies a day or so after she settled in. She's a very pretty strawberry-blonde and quite friendly. She makes me uncomfortable. I know they're on friendly terms – it makes sense as they're both nice people. They've even gone for coffee a few times.

Steve and Kate talk about jogging – what she had just returned from and he was just about to start. Their words don't say much, but the way they look at each other, the way Steve smiles shyly at her joke, the way he leans in a bit when she's talking, it's clear. Steve is genuinely interested in her, and not as a neighbor.

I'm shocked to feel a quake behind my ribs.

I quietly close my door before they see me. I'm jealous, painfully so, of what I've just seen.

'He'll take the time to chat her up, but can't be bothered to let me know he's made it home safely?

Calm down, maybe there's more to it than you know.

No, I've barely seen him these last six months. My best friend is slipping away and now, in short, our friendship is doomed. What little time he has at home will be spent with whomever he's most interested in, it's only logical. How did I not see it before?'

I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, that this had to happen eventually. Eventually he would find a girl who could make him keep Peggy as a memory. I knew I would be pushed aside for his girlfriend, it's just natural. He doesn't have time for me and a girlfriend. And once he's gone, so is any connection I had with the other Avengers. Without Steve they have no reason to keep me around like a stray.

I know I'm overreacting. But whether it's her or someone else down the road, it will happen. And I can't just sit by to be left alone. I need to make other friends.

'I can do that, right?'

Steve and the Avengers could never stay a part of my life. I'm too ordinary. Things just don't work out that way. I need to stop waiting for whatever it is I'm waiting for and start doing things on my own again.

I decide that I won't bother Steve. If he would like to spend time with me, then great; if not...then I'll learn to deal with it.

Steve leaves on another mission the next day. He never got in contact with me.