The Bloodsuckers: Vampire Lawyers of Middle Tennesse

Episode 34: It's Going to be Fein

She shook his hand absentmindedly; her eyes were busy roving up and down his body. “Turn around,” she commanded.

Scott shot Josie a perplexed look, but she was just smiling. He slowly turned around 360 degrees.

“He does have a nice ass,” Becca told her sister.

Josie grinned, looking rather proud.

“I feel like a piece of meat,” Scott said, feeling a bit put-out. He wasn’t sure he like Josie’s sister knowing so much about him or their private life.

“Oh, like you never look at women and evaluate them in your head,” Becca retorted.

“Yes, but ‘in my head’ is the important part.”

“I’m just being honest,” she said with a shrug.

“I told you my sister has no tact,” Josie said. “No people skills at all. I’m not sure if that comes from staring into a petri dish all day, or if she stares into a petri dish all day because she has no people skills.”

“A little from column A, a little from column B,” Becca said matter-of-factly, as if her lack of social skills didn’t bother her at all.

She looked Scott over again. “So, what are you supposed to be?”

“He’s my bloodsucking lawyer,” Josie replied. “For my slip and fall claim.”

“Ah,” Becca said. Either she didn’t get the joke or she didn’t find it particularly amusing.

“And you are...?” Scott asked.

“Athena, Goddess of wisdom.” She reached up and petted the stuffed bird on her shoulder. Close up, Scott could tell that it was an owl, not a brown parrot. “And this is Bebo,” Becca added.

“I vaguely remember him from Clash of the Titans.”

Becca gave a little sniff, as if that wasn’t completely acceptable, but she would tolerate it nonetheless.

“Is Michael still downstairs?” Josie asked.

“No, he got called into work.”

“Oh, that’s too bad,” she replied. “Have you met Ariel?”

“I haven’t met anyone but Roger, the undead pathologist.”

“The undead pathologist?” she asked, looking at him in confusion. Then realization dawned on her face. “Oh, Michael’s friend.”

She started to get up. “Let me introduce you to Ariel, at least.” She couldn’t seem to get out of the low arm chair, and Scott quickly offered her his hand.

She took it, letting him pull her to her feet. “I hope I’m never really injured,” she said. “I can’t move wearing this stuff; imagine how much worse it would be if I was in pain.”

She snaked through the crowd. “Excuse me, can I get through there?” she asked a pirate, leaned against a closed door.

He jerked away, as if the door was suddenly hot. “Oh, yes, I’m sorry.” He eyed her medical devices with something like pity.

“No problem,” Josie replied, opening the door and slipping inside. Scott nodded his thanks to the pirate, and followed Josie through.

They were in a kitchen which seemed to be made of nothing but granite, cherry cabinets, and stainless steel appliances. Scott had to stop himself from whistling. He had seen such kitchens in home magazines that he flipped through, bored, in doctor’s waiting rooms, but he had never thought a real person owned such a kitchen.