That Was Years Ago

I had a bit of a...harsh comment from a person, I think it was supposed to be a critique. I'm sure I asked for it (in a discussion or something) but it happened to come to me on a bad day... Now I feel that I need to prove to that person that I can write well. I don't care if they end up seeing this, so *sticks tongue out*

Critiquing isn't about nit picking all of the bad stuff out of someones story and then pointing them out like a bully in a school yard. It's both rude and unfair to a writer who is clearly proud of what they have written. When you critique someones story (especially if you want them to improve) you have to tell them where they might have done something wrong and suggest ways for them to improve. It's also a good idea to give them some praise for something that they did right. Every story has something right about it - you just need to be nice enough to point it out for them.

Anyway, I didn't change heaps. I added a few paragraphs and fixed a few bits and pieces (like where a sentence cut off in the middle, lol) 

Feel free to read it again if you have already ^_^

Any constructive critique is welcome.

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I'm sorry for those waiting for 'All Kinds of Magical' to be updated, but I got distracted again. I helped a friend walk her two dogs yesterday and we got caught in bucketing rain. It was our adventure~ ^_^ 

(btw, to the side are what my characters look like~ Kana Nishino is a Japanese singer and Yuu Shirota is a Japanese actor and singer [my number one favourite EVER]. Yes, this is set in Japan, but there isn't a lot of Japanese. Literally, the only words used are 'gomen nasai' which is basically 'I'm so sorry' and also the honorific '-san' which is basically 'miss/mr/etc' Just for those who do not know ^_^

Once again, please please pleeease vote/comment~! Even if it's just a short little 'I like this' comment ^_^ I don't mind~ Any comments make me smile~! (I'll give you a rainbow cookie XD)

That Was Years Ago

The rain was torrential. Beating down upon her back and through her long wavy hair – sticking it flat against her back and over her shivering shoulders. The breeze that was blowing did not help matters, shifting the direction of the falling needles so that it would thoroughly soak every part of her already dripping body. She tightened her hold on the lead of her poor dog and kept the canine at her side as she walked down the road. The young Dalmatian was soaked to the bone, her short fur doing nothing to keep out the chill of the continuing downpour – though she seemed to be enjoying the adventure.

Hanako ran a hand back over her head and brushing her hair back out of her face and brown eyes. She was too far away from home and the rain was only falling harder and harder from the gloomy, black clouds above her. Her best option was to find some kind of shelter and wait for the rain to let up a little.

She desperately scanned the driveways of the homes she passed, hoping to find a sheltered driveway or anything that she could inconspicuously stand under. She’d walked only a few blocks when she found a driveway with a pergola over the top of it. There wasn’t a car there so it was assumed that no one was home and school was in so there wouldn’t be any kids in the house either.