Anathema

Staying Home For A Week - Pt. 1

I wiped my tears away and looked at her for a moment, "Can I spend this week with Tio?" That was my only question, I didn't need anything from her. I could see that my question rubbed her the wrong way but I didn't really care. She looked down and quietly said, "If that's what you want then sure."

I could tell she was trying to make me feel guilty, I could just hear it in her tone but I was too tired to feel anything anymore. I went into my room and packed a duffel bag so I could spend a whole week with my favorite person.

I never told my uncle the whole story about why and everything that happened at school but he knew things weren't right. He also knew I didn't really want to talk about and he wasn't about to force me.

I packed shirts, pants, underwear, a notebook with a pen and my medications. I didn't need a toothbrush or shampoo or anything like that because I already had those things there.

I could tell my mom didn't exactly want me to go but it didn't matter. I got in the car and she took me to his house.

She didn't walk me inside, she just dropped me off. I forced myself to say, "I love you, I'll see you soon." She nodded and mumbled, "Love you too." I walked inside to find my Tio in the kitchen.

I genuinely smiled, "Hey there." He looked up and smiled as well, "Hey, I wasn't expecting you." I nodded, "Yeah, I got my mom to let me stay here for the week. I don't exactly want to be around her right now." His smile fades and he nodded, "It's probably better if you're not around her. I know how she is."

We spent the rest of the day watching movies and just talking about stupid things. He fell asleep on the couch while we were watching some comedy movie. I woke him up when it ended and we both went to our rooms. I took my sleeping pills and my depression pills and another pill they gave me but I didn't know what it was for. I just knew I had to take them.

I drifted to sleep wondering what school would be like when I went back. I knew no one would know what happened but I still wondered.

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Day 2 - Tuesday

I woke up tangled in the sheets of my bed, still kind of tired, it was around seven o' clock. I untangled myself and rolled out of bed. First I went to the bathroom then to the kitchen. I made myself toast with Nutella and went to the living room. My Tio wasn't awake yet, he usually woke up really early but he was really tired the night before so I didn't bother.

I sat on the couch and turned on the tv. There wasn't anything I really wanted to watch so I flipped through the channels. I finally settled on turning off the tv and going back to my room/the guest room. I had a radio in the room so I turned it on to my favorite radio station, it played alternative music. I listened to a song by the Foo Fighters called Everlong.

That song still means so much to me. I sat and listened quietly and decided to pull out the notebook I brought with me. I didn't bring it with me for any specific reason, I just subconsciously packed it.

I opened it to a page in the middle of the book and started to write down my thoughts and feelings. I liked writing, and reading. Really I just liked English and literature, I had and A in English, that was my only really good grade.

I wrote about Cameron and Tyler and all the mean things everyone said about me and to me. I cried as I wrote but these tears felt good to cry. They weren't empty, they were full of all the feelings I had been bottling up.

I wrote pages and pages about how I felt and when I was finished, it was like a small weight had been lifted.

No, I wasn't miraculously happy after I started writing and I didn't recover. I didn't go back to school and make new friends and I was still very sad. But after I started writing, I gained a little bit of hope. Something I didn't have for a very very long time.