Rants & Updates

Rannnntttt

How about this bastard picked me up early from school so we could rush home just so he could get high.

They called me to the office and I was like 'I didn't hurt anybody so what do they want'. I saw him omfg. He kept rushing me and I was pissed.

Like he does this every time he picks me. He is outside as soon as as school ends, he complains about me needing to hurry up because he has somewhere to fucking be and he goes home and gets high and is always fucking paranoid and it pisses me off.

But today, I'm in math, a class that I need to pay a lot of attention in, and he picks me up early like five or ten minutes before the bell. Like I am missing instruction time for your bullshit.

Like some people need to understand that even though I look and sometimes act older, I'm still a thirteen year old girl. I can't handle so much stuff.

Seriously like I had a fucking break down at the end of March and I have been 248 fucking days clean but I don't want to ruin this shit but who else can I fucking talk to?!

My grandma doesn't know and I don't want her to, my mother is suspicious but half of the shit is her fucking fault anyways, my dad isn't a bad person but he works so much that I only see him probably once every four or five months. The last time I saw him was in September.

My grandpa, the bastard above, is fucking crazy now. One of my friends basically ignored me all day, my other friend wouldn't understand because she's too....nice I guess. The one person I usually talk to is going through his own problems, probably worse than mine and ugh.

This is so stressful. Living life in a fucking secret. Like how can you tell your Christian family that you are half atheist or whatever? You bloody can't!!

FUCK ME UGH AND MY BANANA!!!

My cat is gone like wtf. He was gone when we came back from thanksgiving break and he came back for a day and I even gave him half of my food and I haven't seen him since. Like I'm so lonely and I can't get another cat or a dog. Probably not even a fish!

Seriously the only reason to live rn is food and the Color Morale. Also my hardcore ship for Zack and Luke.

BUT GAH MY HANDS ARE FUCKING SHAKING IM SO UPSET.

Like I honestly don't even remember that last time I had a proper meal. Maybe just like a few chips or crackers a day or some shit is what I've been eating. Except that really good chicken at school.

So yay, I'm going to sleep now and my grandma isn't even fucking here so I have to wait til she gets home to eat.

The only thing I miss about my zoned school is going at 9:30 and leaving when my grandma gets off of work.