Assassin to Assassin [Narry]

Chapter 48.

Look at those heart eyes Niall is giving Harry, are you okay there? ;)

Harry.

I walk with Louis alone the shoreline with Cara in her pram. She's dressed in a pink duffel coat with a cotton hat on her head and tucked in a matching white blanket. Even though it was a little warm in the early spring days, I didn't want to risk her catching a cold at such a young age. She was already two months old and growing fast. At two months old, she was able to hold her head a little more steadier and she was able to hold her own weight on her tummy with a little support. She has now started to suck her thumb and she's sleeping to at least 15-16 hours, all through the night. Which is a win-win for me, really. 

Louis walked along side me at the beach. He decided to join me in Cheshire with my family while I paid a visit to them for a long weekend as my mother and Robin were dying to see their granddaughter and of course, Gemma wanted to see her niece. It also gave me a time away from Niall. I had sent him a text a few days ago, saying that we needed to talk but he hadn't replied. I assumed he was avoiding me, ignoring me, whichever. If I'm perfectly honest, I don't know how I'm going to talk to Niall. It's been a while since we've actually properly sat down and had a chat, without either one of us biting our heads off. It was a tough relationship to be in and I mostly think I'm to blame for it, after everything I'd done to him.

Which is why I wanted to end things with him. I had hurt him constantly, so many times. I was afraid of doing it again and again and again, over time and all I get back is so much love and respect from Niall, which I don't deserve. It makes me a horrible person. How many times am I going to hurt him in the future? I can't do that to him. I can't promise him that I'm going to be the perfect boyfriend, because I'm not. I'm far from it. I'm emotionally unstable, I break everything I touch, I act out aggressively and I'm one of the most jealous people in the planet. Plus, I have Cara to think off. I need to focus on her first, before I focus on my love life. Cara was my main, number one priority. 

Things between Louis and I hadn't been so great, either. It had been incredibly awkward since he arrived in Cheshire. Even though I had thanked him for saving me that day and he had apologized for the way he had treated Niall and I, it was still difficult for the two of us. I didn't know where he stood after my outburst too him but I definitely knew where I stood. Louis and I were never going to be together. Sure, yes, we were a thing before but that was in the past. There was no point trying to make it into something that wasn't there. I was attracted to Louis, yes, but not any more. I'm not going to lie, Louis was gorgeous. Quietly handsome, in a more delicate way. His hair soft and fluffy, his eyes a gleaming blue and his lashes long and thick. It was his loud, public personality that attracted me to him most. With everything going on with Cassandra, Louis' personality was the little bit of happiness that I needed at the time. He was outgoing and bubbly and enthusiasm about everything and he had a wicked sense of humour. Something that I hadn't seen in a while.

But he wasn't Niall.

Niall was another story. Niall was attractive with his typical, Irish charm. Not to mention the thickness of his Irish accent was enough to make anybody swoon. He was like sunshine on a rainy day, as cliché and corny as it sounded. What intruded me most to Niall was his cheeky banter and his determination to know absolutely everything about me when we first met. No matter how hard I tried to push Niall away, he always found a way to crawl right back. That, to me, was love. It wasn't even just being with Niall that made me happy. It was the way I got to hold him close every night, tell him how much I loved him, in the most intimate way possible. The connection I had with Niall was nothing like I had had with anybody else. I know it didn't seem like it but I love Niall. I really, really do.

Louis scuffs the bottom of his shoes against the wet sand as we stroll along the beach, his hands in his pockets. He walks next to me while I push the pram and Cara gurgles happily up at me. We haven't talked since we arrived at the beach. It's cold, yet there's one or two people around walking their dogs or with there's grandparents with their kids. We stop at a bench and sit down, looking out onto the water.