No Strings Attached

The Date From Hell

The Date From Hell

  The drive to the café was strangely calming. When I was a kid car rides always soothed me.  “Kelly, do you think I could stay at your place till the end of your date?” Emily asked me.

  “Yeah, sure just don’t get crazy with Jason.” I told her giving her a suggestive look.

  “Ew stop! You’re so weird. And nothing can happen if he doesn’t want anything to happen.” She said sounding depressed.

  We were suddenly at the little café. Why couldn’t I have picked a place far away, like in Minnesota or something? The place wasn’t busy today so no one was here. And I wouldn’t be recognized.

  Emily walked over to the passenger side and opened the door for me. “I’m doing this for your own good. I know you’re going to try to leave and this is going to be the only way I can prevent it.” She explained escorting me inside. Gosh, she knew me too well.

 As soon as we were inside Andrew waved me over to where we were going to sit for the hell date. “Good luck, bye!” she yelled running away, getting several weird looks.

I slowly started walking over to Andrew. “Come on I don’t have all day.” He yelled at me agitated. Well coming from a guy who basically begged me for a date, he should have all day. I kept on walking slow; in fact I was walking slower than before.

That’s when he walked over to me, and picked me up bridal style. “Put me down, douchedick! Ugh, what do you do all day eat meat? Cause it’s going straight to your head, you meathead!” Haha, witty comeback Kelly. I thought mentally patting myself in the back.

“I hope that wasn’t supposed to be funny, because you explained the joke. Jokes that need explaining aren’t funny.” He said half smiling. And I did what any teenage girl whose sense of humor was being made fun of would do.

I mocked him. “I hope that wasn’t supposed to be funny, because you explained the joke. Jokes that need explaining aren’t funny.” I said in an annoying mocking voice.

“Can we just get down in the business?” he said looking at me seriously.

“Yeah, after you put me down.” I said in a duh tone. He looked surprised that he was still holding me.

After he put me down, we sat in the booth and the waitress came. “Do you want something, honey? Whatever you want I’ll get you, whatever.” She said looking more at Andrew. But I couldn’t help laughing.

This lady was like in her late 50s. She had a mole on her forehead and it was growing hair. And on top of that her teeth were stained yellow, and she was wearing red lipstick that wasn’t just on her lips, and it made her teeth look yellower then they were. She also has three chins total. I’m not going to waste anymore time talking about how she looks.

“Yeah I’d like a coke. Could I have an appetizer?” he asked looking at the menu.

“You can have that appetizer on the house if you want to come to the back with me.” The waitress said giving him a suggestive look. I couldn’t help the uncontrollable laughter that swept over me at that moment. Andrew on the other had looked like he was about to barf. And the waitress, oh the waitress, she looked like she wanted to kill me. But what could I say? She’s the old lady hitting on someone who could practically be her son. Can you say cougar?

“Um, no I’m good. I’ll have cheese dip.” He mumbled embarrassed.

“Ok. And what do you want?” she spat narrowing her eyes at me. Whoa, grouch much?

“I’ll have water with lemons, please.” I said as sweetly as possible.

“Do you want anything else?” she asked me aggravated? Did I do something, because I don’t remember if I did.