You, Minus the Fame

Chapter 30

     I kept my eyes glued to the ground as I entered the cafe. I didn't dare look up as I made my way across the entire cafe and into the employees room. Only when I was alone in the changeroom did I lift my eyes up, but I still felt like hugging myself so that no one could see me. I was going insane, I realized.

       Reece had been on my mind every second of the day ever since our breakup. I hadn't seen him since that day and my heart yearned for him. But, I knew I made the right decision. Seeing what an insecure mess I was now, I felt like things would have been a lot worse if I had continued dating him. 

       I wasn't even sure why I was so insecure nowadays. The picture had disappeared from the internet thanks to Reece, so there were no comments for me to read and feel insecure about. But I guess what people say never really leave you. They remain a scar, and I guess that was what I had now. Scars from the people who had thought I was ugly and not worthy of Reece. I sighed then, realizing how sad celebrities lives were.

       Telling myself to stop thinking about everything, I then got ready. I put on my uniform and tied my hair up. Not once did I look at the mirror during that process, even when I left the changeroom.

       Once I was outside again, I took a deep breath in to calm my pounding heart. My eyes then went back to staying on the ground as I exited the employees room. Sighing again, I knew I would be working the way I had been for the past few days - the way I used to work when I first got this job. With fear in my heart and my head hung low, I went to serve customers.

*****

        "Thank you," I whispered as I turned around to go back to the front counter.

       I didn't give the customer a smile, which left me feeling guilty. Too bad I was too scared to go back and say anything either.

       Glancing at the clock as I went to the counter, I saw that it was only one o'clock. I still had a few hours to go, which made me groan. I really didn't want to be here anymore. All I wanted to do was stay in bed where no one would see or talk to me.

       "Cara," I heard a voice suddenly say, making me jump.

       With my eyes wide, my head flew to whoever called me. I hoped it was Reece, but I soon registered it was a female voice as my eyes landed in Rachel. Disappointment filled me and I tried to hide it as I walked over to her. I wondered what she wanted.

       Once I was near her at the table for two she sat at, I said, "Hey Rachel. What is it?"

         "We need to talk," she said, serious for once. "Sit down."

       I tried not to show my surprise as I sat in front of her. In my mind I tried to think of what I could have done wrong, but nothing came to my mind. Even with that, I hoped she wasn't going to fire me.

        "What's going on?" I asked nervously, clasping my hands together to hide my fear.

        "Cara, what's going on with you?" she asked gently. "You called in sick for a week and then when you come back you're distant and shaking in fear."

       My cheeks heated up. I hadn't expected Rachel - my supervisor - to notice. Although, I admit it was pretty obvious. Ever since Reece, I had begun to wear my heart on my sleeve.

       "Sorry, I'm just sick," I lied. "I'll go back to normal soon."

        "What happened to your boyfriend?" she asked, ignoring what I said. "He hasn't been here lately."

       More blush filled my cheeks as I looked down. I didn't know what to say. It wasn't like I could lie about this either.

       "Let me guess, you found out he's famous," Rachel said quietly. "And you think you can't deal with it."

       My head flew up. With wide eyes, I studied the confident girl in front of me. She knew somehow.

       "How do you know he's famous?" I asked, stunned. "I - no offence - didn't think you'd watch YouTubers."

       "I don't." She shrugged. "But I know what's in right now, and that's him. Why do you think I wanted you to impress him a while back." 

       The memory came to me and my jaw dropped slightly. That had been so long ago and thinking about it now, I wondered why I didn't question the fact she wanted me to please Reece.

      "Oh," I said, stunned.

      "Was what I said right?" Rachel asked gently.

       I looked down. No one - not even Britney -  knew what had gone down between us. With Rachel asking questions, I had a feeling I would be spilling my heart to a near stranger. That wasn't something I was comfortable with.

       "From your reaction I have an answer," she whispered and I brought my attention back to her. "Cara, sweetheart, don't let your insecurities ruin your life."

       "I'm not," I squeaked out, scared of where this conversation was going.

       "I've seen the way you look at him. I've seen how happy you became when you're around him. Cara, you're going to regret this."

       "I know I'd regret staying with him more," I blurted out, knowing I had to be right.

       It hurt. It hurt so much to lose him, but my brain kept telling me I had made the right choice. If I turned out to be wrong, I knew I would be crushed.

       "You're a likeable person Cara. And you're beautiful," Rachel said, smiling sadly. "What are you scared of?"

       "His fans already think I'm ugly," I shot back. "They definitely don't like me either."

      "They're just mad Reece is taken." Rachel sighed tiredly. "They're jealous of you so they're lashing out at you."

       "And I don't want that in my life. I don't want people lashing out at me. I don't want people picking out my flaws."

       "Sweetheart, no matter who you are you're life will consist of that," she said gently.

        I stared at her, wondering why we were having this conversation. She was my supervisor and I was supposed to be working. All I wanted to do was forget about Reece, so this wasn't very helpful either.

       "Why are we talking about my love life?" I asked. "You're my supervisor. This... This isn't any of your business."

       "It is when it affects the way you work." Her eyes softened. "Haven't you noticed you've become such a great worker after meeting Reece?"

       I didn't reply, even though she was right.

       "Cara, he makes you a better you." Rachel smiled sadly and I wondered why she seemed to care so much. "He changed you for the better, but now that's he's gone you're reverting back."

       "I'm not," I mumbled, not believing my own lie.

        "Cara, look at you now. You stare at the ground. You don't smile. Tell me Reece hadn't changed you so you didn't do those things."

       I didn't reply once again. I couldn't because I didn't want my decision to be a mistake. Reece had been buried deep inside my heart ever since we broke up, but with every mention of him the pain I had been trying to fight back was now blooming within me. I didn't want to do this anymore.

       "Rachel, I'm sorry," I said, voice quavering. "But I'm going to go work. I... I don't want to talk about this anymore."

      "Okay," she said as I stood up. "But just think about what I said. Please."

      I just turned around and walked off, ignoring the sympathy in her eyes. My heart hurt, but I kept telling myself I made the right decision. Who I was couldn't handle the life Reece had. That I knew, but I still couldn't help but wonder.