I'll be the end of her, I'm in her head.

Chapter 10.

I'm off the wall, out of my fucking mind, I'm out of control

I'll be the end of her, I'm in her head and in control

She's let me in, now take a sip and let the show begin

The floor's all yours, the house is full

You've made the slip now take the fall

I pull your strings, she's too deep in

So will she sink or swim

Ladies and gentleman

Place your fucking bets, here we go

Oh she's down, how very spectacular

What a work of art I've spawned

Man am I proud of myself on this one

She's such a fucking masterpiece

Self destruction in such a pretty little thing

I know that I should walk away

But I can't bring myself to quit this game

She's just a beautiful girl with the weight of the world on her shoulders

I'm just a kick in the teeth from a world that's painted gold.

Turn the fuckin' tables

She's out the door, she's on her ass again like every night before

She's off the wall, out of her fucking mind, she's out of control

I was the end of her

In her head, in control

Just like before

I should've told you again

That I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry

Just like before

I should've told you again

That I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry

Just like before

I should've told you again

That I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry

Just like before

I should've told you again

That I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry

Just like before

I should've told you again

That I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry

"I got in your head, Alex, I was almost the end of you. I blame myself, you were so innocent and sweet, then you took on me, and I was the weight of the world. I was almost the death of you!" Ben pulled me into his arms and whispered, "I'm so sorry."

"Ben, stop please, you--"

"Self-destruction is such a pretty little thing. Do you know who came up with that line?" He said, cutting me off. "Do you?"

"I don't know, you?"

"No, Alexandria. You did." Ben said with a straight face. "You were the masterpiece. The last thing you said to me before you slipped away was self-destruction is such a pretty little thing."

I just threw myself int his arms again. The album was wonderful. It was so real. It made me wish I could remember more. I really screwed up. I lost 2 months of that year, all to drink and drugs. What did I get in return? A pumped stomach and a song about how I was pulled under. But it was a fucking lovely song, and I was happy for the first time in months.

That night, Ben and I didn't have sex.  He was talking about how we used to go to the movies every friday, and how sunday mornings he would come voer and we'd eat cold, left over pizza, and all the things that he wished didn't end. I just fell asleep in his arms to the sound of his heartbeat. We were able to talk like we used to, and his voice put me to sleep.

When I woke up, Ben wasn't in bed with me. I wrapped myself in a blanket and wandered downstairs. Danny was asleep on the couch with a bottle of water in his hand and Sam was standing at the island eating a bowl of cereal.

He smiled, "Goodmorning, dear. Looking for Ben?" I nodded and he continued. "He left this for you."

Sam handed me a note, it was obviously scribbled down by Ben. It read:

Get dressed and meet me in the park, I have another surprise for you. 

"Short, sweet, and to the point," I laughed, skipping back upstairs.

I got dressed in a black hoodie, jeans, and a pair of Vans. I had gained quite a bit of weight back, maybe a little more than I wanted to, but at least my clothes fit correctly. I put on a grey beanie, put on some eyeliner and mascara, then headed into the garage. It was so nice to drive my car again. I headed off to the park and pulled up. I saw Ben sitting on a picnic blanket and staring off at the lake. I quietly snuck up behind him and wrapped my arms around him, kissing his cheek.

"Finally, I've been waiting for you all morning, beautiful." He gave me a kiss and pulled me into his lap. "How did you sleep?"

"It would have been better if  would of woken up next to you," I smiled, leaning back on him. "But I guess I slept alright. What have you been up to?"

"Sitting out here, watching this pizza get cold," He laughed, motioning to a box of pizza that was half-tucked under the blanket. I realized I had almost sat on it.

"Cold pizza is the best pizza," I laughed, pulling out the box and setting it in front of me.

I opened it up, and he had written on the inside of the box. It said, Will you marry me, or is this too cheesy? I looked at the pizza, where a ring sat on top of the little white disk that  was in the center.

I turned around and pushed Ben onto his back, saying yes and kissing him over and over. He laughed in between kisses, "Can we at least eat the pizza?"

He slid the ring on my finger, we ate the full box of pizza, and then we headed home. Of course the guys knew, so they all tackled us to the ground when we walked in the door. "Well we have to have a party tonight to celebrate!" Sam cheered. I swear, he was such a girl sometimes.

"No alcohol," I scolded, poking Danny in the chest.

He scoffed, "Don't even say that word in this house!"

I hugged Ben tight and pulled him upstairs to my bedroom. Before shutting my door, I hollered down the stairs, "Get the party ready, because we're gonna be busy for a while!"