Find Yourself

What I had To learn

The day I became 16 was the first day I saw my own reflection, younger than this were my worst nightmares. 

When I was little, I used to be more chubby and looked like a guy, anyone barely paid attention to me. I didn't really care about what they thought about me until my first crush never noticed me. My best friend Fedora, well I thought she was. She actually left me to be with cool girls and I was left alone. The words of that day still re-wind in my head, those memories will never ever be forgotten.

"I can't stand being with you, you're  annoying, pathetic, and very low for girls like me" 

"I'm sorry if you ever though we remained as friends because we never were." 

"You look like so boyish why don't you try to be something else."

The last sentence made an impact on me. I changed, I changed for her, my crush and everyone else but not for me. 

I tough I did, but at the end I realized that deep in my heart I didn't want to change, but I don'T listen to my heart like people always says when they give advice "Follow your heart" no I didn't want to because every time I would hear them say that, I knew something else.

 "Your heart could betray you at any moment why follow it?"

How can you be so sure your heart is telling the truth when everyone got a cold and warm heart, which fuses into one. You want to know why some people changes? Because humans are weak they only see what they believe in and if they see the opposite they became the opposite of their dreams. The battle is between your heart and your mind, which one do you think will win at the end? want me to answer? I wish I could but like I said the path is yours, the final decision will be yours so chose wisely.

After Fedora, left me I suffered a lot, I always smiled, oh I was so happy and when everybody would ask me how I was my answer has always been.

 "I'm fine"

A huge smile painting on my face but inside I was dying, too late my heart was broken in million pieces. And Bang Bang, here it was the day,  when I aged 16, I looked like a woman, meet real true friends, that I choose wisely, but never really got too attached, after all everybody got a face behind the one outside right? I joined the dance team, people finally could look at me and smile, I felt pretty but never confident. Confidence is something I never learned how to gain, because I couldn't burn the past I felt pretty but I knew I was ugly, in the mirror I looked pretty but in pictures I look so ugly like the old me. why why why did I always looked like a Hippopotamus when I took pictures?  I felt insecure to be honest, I liked more when everybody didn't mind about me so then I could choose between the me now and the past one.

           I did saw my reflection when I aged 16, and it appears to be a bad one, I saw someone I didn't want to be, someone that needed to be stronger than she was younger, but I learned things that needed to be learned.