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[6] A comprehensive guide to arranged marriages

Maybe you’ve always wondered about this concept. Maybe you want to write one, but have no idea where to begin. Or maybe I begged you to read this.

Either way, you’re here, and you want to (or have to) read all about this phenomenon that seems to be growing on Wattpad.

So, let’s get started.

Think arranged marriage, and what comes to mind is that two people, virtually strangers, are being tied into a bond that will last a lifetime (or at least, should). Okay, so maybe that’s not what comes to mind, but if you were told to, say, define it (although I don’t know who would ask that) then you’d think something like that, right? If not, you’re strongly misguided, and should read this guide even more carefully.

There’s a particular series of events you need to follow, and it all begins with the parents. (Rather, parental units, but it’s easier to type ‘parents’ only each time).

1.      They’re either evil, in financial debt, the poor-turned-rich kind, or not really your parents, but uncle or aunt or any relative you’ve forced your protagonist into.

2.      They will arrange for you to be married to either your best friend, worst enemy or a random stranger. It doesn’t really matter.

3.      The reasons shall be:

a.      They hate you (evil parents scenario)

b.      They need to pay off the aforementioned debt

c.       They promised (the people who helped them get rich)

d.      You’re a burden, and they want to get rid of you.

4.      The parents shall inform you of this arrangement in one fashion only: They will tell you to come home early from school, because they have ‘something special’ to tell you, and your in-laws to be shall be present when you arrive.

5.      Note that your parents won’t inform you that this is about an arranged marriage until the in-laws bring up marriage details.

6.      Following this, they will insist that you must leave to live with your husband-to-be, the very day. You shall be given about twenty minutes to pack up and leave with your in-laws and husband to be.

Depressed?

Don’t be – that’s the last you shall ever see of your evil parental figures who dropped you like a hot potato (although, I’ve always wondered what people would be doing with a hot potato. Wouldn’t it be steaming or something, to tell you it’s hot, without touching it?)

Then comes your life – yes, yours, the bride. (Very rarely is it a guy writing this sort of story, whether in reality, or in perspective. There are cases, but that scenario shall be explored later on).

1.      You shall start off in the story being a hater. Because your life is pathetic and your parents are mean.

2.      You won’t see anything coming until you are told directly that you’re to be married.

3.      You’ll protest – no, wait, you’ll fight. You’ll curse, and decide you hate your groom to be (who you shall initially find HOT when you lay your eyes on him).

4.      You won’t hear from your friends once you leave to go to the destination.

5.      You’ll be a <censored> to the hubby to be, but don’t feel guilty, he’ll be equally as bad.

6.      You will try to cheat on him with a boyfriend of yours (if there is one), but feel guilty when you’re caught. You’ll break up with him, because the twu wuv you felt isn’t twu wuv after all.

7.      You shall fall in wuv with the hubby to be, and you will have a fairytale ending.

If you’re the groom (and believe you me, we will get your perspective. It seems nobody wants to give surprises, which is good, because then there’s less chances I’ll get excited and have a heart attack), this is for you to follow:

1.      Your wife-to-be shall be hot when you lay your eyes on her.

2.      You shall be fully informed of this marriage deal (most of the times) and if so, you’ll be completely okay with it.

3.      If you weren’t informed, you’ll find out at the same time when your bride to be does from her parents.

4.      You’ll blame her for the mess, and stick to your girlfriend (if you have one).

5.      At some point, because you’re the guy, you’ll have to defend your bride to be (even if you don’t like her), and you shall fall in wuv with her.

Those are the little details to be shared. There’s general rules that must be followed, too:

1.      The people to be married MUST be non-adult teenagers. Because it isn’t illegal or unnatural at all. And the parents can’t wait till they’re adults.

2.      The bride and groom will find each other hot as soon as they see the other, but won’t admit it. Over the course of the story they shall drool over each other, wonder why they did that, fall for them (twu wuv) and be in denial.

3.      They shall argue with anybody who dares tell them that they might actually be attracted to each other.

4.      The process to attain twu wuv must include a scenario where the guy gets in a fight for the girl, one where she falls asleep on him and he carries her to her room, and she will be the only one who understands the great secret he’s been keeping.

5.      Their friends shall miraculously disappear once they’re engaged, which, incidentally, occurs without a ring.

6.      Being told that you’re to marry someone means you’re fiancé/fiancée, even if there aren’t any rings. They’ll appear at the wedding though, when you have to exchange them (or whatever).

7.      The parents will never be around to witness what goes on between the boy and girl, because they shall be given their own house (what? Everybody has two houses, what with houses being so cheap and all) so that they can experience what it will be like.

8.      There is never the possibility that they just accept their fate and learn to adjust (geez, that happens only in real life!) and eventually like the life they have.