Salvation

Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

I opened the door and walked inside. I was soaked. I had walked through the rain for three hours. And it hadn’t helped me. His words kept running through my mind. ” Why did you do this to me? I really cared about you.” Cared. That says it all. What I’ve done is unforgivable. He hates me. Who wouldn’t? I’m a terrible person. I had hurt so many people.

The tears streamed down my face. My makeup was smeared all over my face. But I didn’t care. I walked into the bathroom and opened the cabinet above the sink.

There were many jars and bottles. But I couldn’t find what I was looking for.

Then I saw it. I grabbed it and held it against my forearm. The iron was cold. I made a few cuts parallel between my other scars. But this time the pain didn’t seemed to disappear. I made a few more, not afraid to go deep. But it still didn’t seemed to help.

I walked to the bath and turned on the tap. While the tub was filling I grabbed a pack of aspirins. Slowly I took off my wet clothes and I let them fall to the ground. I saw my white T-shirt slowly turning dark red, lying in the mess that I just had caused. I picked up the empty glass that stood on the sink and filled it with water. I was standing in my underwear. I was sick of the idea of what was going to happen next. I felt everything come up. I leaned forward and spit everything out in the sink. It seemed to last forever. As if all the bad things I had said in the past couple of weeks all came out. With my hands resting on the edges of the sink, I slowly looked up. I was a mess. I was broken.

I walked into the bedroom and found a notebook. I tore out a leaf and grabbed a pen. Okay, this was it.

Hi Harry,

No.

Harry,

Not either.

Dear Harry,

I am sorry

For everything.

Everything I’ve done.

Everything I’ve said.

I dragged you into my problems.

I didn’t want to.

I didn’t want it to end like this.

But I have to do this.

If I stay alive I will help you into more trouble.

I don’t want that anymore.

You deserve better, Harry.

You deserve good friends who really care about you.

Not ones who make your life dark.

Not ones make you sad.

You deserve real friends.

Who are always there for you.

And I hope to find them as well.

But not here.

But above.

Above,  where I can be free,

free from all the pain.

I hope you will forgive me.

 Don’t forget me,

Hanna.

The ink was smeared all over the paper because of my tears falling on it. Tears of sorrow. But also of relief.

I’ll finally be free. Free from all the pain.

Free from everything that I’ve been through.

Finally, I will be free.