Secret Fears - Lockwood & Co

Chapter 3

"So you've figured it out, have you?" The skull asks. "Figured out the reason for your jealousy eh?"

"Shut up!" I yell, and hit the lever on the Skull's jar to stop it talking. I stagger into bed and stare at the ceiling. I know why I am the way I am. I know why I hate Holly so much. I'm jealous of her. Normally, I wouldn't care the slightest bit about someone being so perfect, but her. . . She is replacing me. Lockwood has been more open and casual towards her in a few weeks than he had been after six months with me. I was definitely annoyed at how clean she was, and that she was separating our trips, dividing us slowly. The one thing kills me, though, is jealousy. Irrational, toxic jealousy. Lockwood was so impressed by her, so happy to have her on our team, so happy to be spending time with her. Why do I care? Because I. . . I. . . love him. I'd been so blind towards my feelings. I didn't realise  until today that I'm jealous because. . . I loved him. I pull the covers over my head and curl into a little ball, letting tears silently fall down my cheeks.

A quiet knock knock came from the door.

I pull my blanket further over my head and Lockwood enters. "I have tea here for you. Holly made it." He sounds happy. I brush down my hair and wipe my tears under the covers and pull them off myself to look at him. "Thanks," I say, and take a sip from the cup. Perfect. As per usual. "Thank Holly for me. It's perfect." I try to smile, but it ends up more like a grimace. Straight away, Lockwood moves to sit on the bed, and I scoot over to make room. "Hey, what's wrong? I know your head hurts but you seem sad. Is it nightmares?" Yes and no, but how could I explain it to him? I couldn't just blurt out an "I love you," could I?

"It's ok. I'm fine," I mumble.
 Lockwood looks at me and raises an eyebrow.

"You definitely are not," he says in a motherly tone. "C'mon, Luce, talk to me. You've been acting strange ever since Holly arrived."

"Oh, talk to you? Talk. Just the way you talk to me? The way you keep secrets, and don't let anyone into your personal life?" I blurt. He looked hurt. Something in my gut tells me that I really was being too harsh, but my emotions get the better of me.

"I'm sorry, but-"

"No. It's fine. You can go and tell Holly. Tell Holly everything. Considering you value her so, so much!" Tears start to form, but I don't bother holding them in. "She's replacing me, and you don't even care! So just leave." Lockwood stares at me, disbelief on his face. He reaches out to touch my shoulder but I shrug him off.


"Lucy, please. . ."

"Just go." I turn my head away and feel him stand up and walk to the door.

"Goodnight. . . Lucy.".