Letters to the Author -Larry Stylinson

chapter nineteen

Louis' breath catches. He waits for Harry to take it back, to catch himself on his mistake of speaking too many words, but Harry stares at him confidently, his breathing heavy and he sounds upset, he actually sounds if he is about to cry.

"Don't cry," Louis pleads. "That will just make me cry, Harry. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I know we were something."

Harry freezes, his hand slipping away from Louis' wrist, and Louis immediately grabs his hand back. "I had a... I had a memory, Harry. I remembered us, at school. And you were like, hugging me, and calling me sweet names. But... I was looking for you because I was, I was uhm... Harry, I was wondering if you could tell me what happened between us in high school. I know you weren't just one of my casual friends that just didn't want to put the effort into a new friendship with me. I guess that's why I'm mad. Because I know something was important in our friendship and you didn't even come back after the accident."

"Louis, I-"

"No. You left me alone. You know how many friends I had after my accident? None. Am I not worth it? Am I boring? Were you happy that I forgot because it was a way for you to escape from me without having to hurt me first?" Louis feels anger and hurt building up in his chest. As he continues to talk, the more old feelings come back, his heart starts to feel broken inside, as if it was broken all those years ago.

"Louis, honey-"

"No, Harry! God, you left me completely alone! I came to school when I finally had permission and I sat alone at class, I sat there and wrote and just waited for someone to come up to me, talk to me, introduce themselves for the second time but no! Nobody did! And you act like you care about me now, more than someone I've known for two months should, but you obviously didn't care about me enough to stay when things got hard!"

"I didn't want to force you into something you didn't want, Louis!" Harry yells. "Do you know how bad that hurt me?" His voice is shaky, on the brink of crying and Harry's hand is trembling in Louis'. "I wanted you to find yourself again, I wanted to give you a chance to maybe remember, not force you to be my freaking boyfriend again if that's not what you wanted! I figured if we were meant to be together, something like this would bring us back! And it did, didn't it?" His voice softens. "Look at us. You found me, Louis. You found me. And somehow I've gotten you to see me as something, without ever forcing your forgotten past on you." Harry takes a deep breath.

"It has taken all of my self control not to just pour out the truth to you, just to beg you to go back to the way we were. It absolutely kills me that all those amazing memories we have are not ours to share, but only mine to remember myself. But if we're going to make this work, I at least want you to fall in love with me because I'm me, not because of something I've told you, because of memories I've fed into your brain like facts you're trying to learn on a test."

"So we were something?" Louis asks softly, holding Harry's hand to his tummy.

"We were everything, Lou," Harry breathes. "We talked about getting married and having kids and I was so in love with you that loving you was all I wanted to do. I used to be so shy of you because I always knew you were too good for me, you still are," he ignores when Louis shakes his head, "and Lou... you were in love with me too. I know it."

Louis is so enraptured in the intense gaze of Harry's green eyes that his mind clouds, and he doesn't care right now about why, or when or how and he just wants this boy standing in front of him here, pouring out his heart. 

"I know I was," Louis whispers. "I remember the feeling. I feel it right now." His voice is barely audible, especially hard to hear from the cars whooshing past. There aren't very many people on the street, and Louis is glad because otherwise they would have heard him yelling. He is taken from his thoughts when Harry lets out a sharp breath, and he sees a tear roll slowly down his cheek. Automatically, Louis reaches out and brushes it away with his fingers, before tracing Harry's eyebrows and lips and nose and cheeks. He's never done this before, but it feels as if he's done it a million times before.

"You feel it?" Harry sounds nervous, but excited.

"I feel like I'm in love with you." Louis never stops looking into Harry's eyes, feeling his heartbeat beneath his left hand. 

"I am absolutely, irrevocably in love with you, Lou," Harry says in response. "And I know that doesn't mean much now, but god Lou, it means so much to me, and I just want to know how important you are to me. I have thought about you every single day since I met you. There isn't one day that has gone by where you haven't crossed my mind. I love you so much."

Louis opens his mouth to speak, but then Harry is kissing him, feather-light and sweet, and every time he pulls back a flutter goes through his heart. With every kiss, with every touch on his waist and chest, Louis remembers more, and everything is familiar. Harry's lips are soft and quite warm on his cold ones, and he kisses so gently that Louis thinks that he is maybe floating, or perhaps Harry is an angel, what with his softness. 

Harry says Louis is soft, but Harry is soft. Harry has soft curls, soft skin, soft lips and soft green eyes. His clothes are always soft, his voice always soft and low. And wow, his soft kisses Louis thinks that maybe he is going to fly.

He doesn't know what the feeling is, or what comes over him, but soon he is jumping into Harry's arms, Harry's arms wrapped tightly around his waist, Louis' legs squeezing Harry's hips. Harry leans against the wall of the building, still keeping the gentle kiss going, no matter how hard Louis kisses him back.

Harry pulls back when Louis is quite out of breath. "You mean everything to me, Lou. You know that?"

Louis nods, kissing Harry again as Harry places him back on the ground. 

"Do you know how long I've been wanting to do that?" Harry asks.

"You've kissed me before this," Louis responds.

"You've never kissed me back."

"Yes I have."

Harry pauses, biting his lip before leaning in so close that Louis can feel his warm breath on his cheeks. It smells like peppermint tea.

"You've never loved me back," he says tenderly, full of compassion and Louis can't help but kiss him again.

***

"Can I please go home?" Louis begs.

"No," Liam snaps. "I'm tired of covering your shifts for you, Louis. And you're wasting money by leaving early all the time. Just work your whole shift for once."

"But... I want to see-"

"Harry, I know. All I hear about is Harry Harry Harry. Well you know what? I got a new dog this weekend, but I haven't even got to talk about it because you-"

"Harry says he wants a dog," Louis sighs happily, resting his chin in his hands and looking up in thought. "A golden retriever and he says I can pick the name."

Liam sighs. "Go home, Louis."

And Louis runs home.

***

Ha. Dumb ending, I know.

I love you all.

aye aye aye my bf is in my profile pic he cute ain't he i think he is what do you all the think i mean my girlfriends need to approve of my boyfriend i mean yeah

did you see the never enough reference or nah?

aha jungle songs are the best songs

i love you all so much. <3 

comment what you think please, vote, and maybe even follow? aha

lots of love,

kayla. x