Regardless of Weather [PTX-Kavi]

Rain II - Bedlam

She really wished she was stronger. She wished Avi would leave her mind. After all, it had been a mutual decision to end their relationship. There had been tears, but they knew it was for the sake of the band. They couldn't exactly keep their private lives separate from work if said private lives were at work. And every time they fought, they couldn't even talk about it, given how little free time they had on hand during tour. Which meant problems were cast aside like their clothes every other day in their hotel room. It was an unhealthy relationship, despite how invigorating it was. Despite how perfect it felt. That was not how relationships worked. And they knew it. 

Kirstie set her jaw firmly. She had to get over him. She didn't need Avi, as much as her heart and mind disagreed. Their fallout simply proved they weren't meant for each other. She would find someone, eventually. I wasn't like he was special anyhow. 

She didn't love Avi. 

She never loved him anyway. 

They were just a pair of naive children. 

She didn't love Avi. 

She didn't love Avi. 

She didn't love Avi. 

 The doorbell rang, and she dragged herself sluggishly towards it, not bothering to cover her tear tracks. 

A plaid-covered figure stood through the downpour. 

"I love you", he gasped, wiping away rain that washed over his head. 

She was shocked, obviously. But every line of defence she'd built for herself was beginning to fail her. She was tempted to give in. To just fall into his arms and make love till the sun rose. 

But she couldn't. She didn't love Avi.  

"No."

He gave her a confused look. "What?"

"I don't love you." Her practised response was unwaveringly stony. 

She expected Avi to back off; to nod in understanding and apologise and walk away. What she didn't expect was for him to get right up in her face. 

"You're lying", he said, a fire in his eyes, leaning towards her.

She suddenly felt her anger resurface with a blood-boiling intensity. Her heart thumped erratically. "Get out", she spat. 

Avi didn't seem to have heard her though, because he walked straight in, soaked and messy, and pushed her against the door, slamming it shut. She felt herself gasp, and swallowed a moan that she felt in her throat as he brought his body inches from hers. No, Kirstin. You need to to this. For yourself. 

"You love me. You do. "

"I don't", she growled, blocking out her body's instinctive reaction to his voice. 

"Yes you do. "

"No, I don't. I don't think I ever lo-"

"Stop it! Stop saying that!"

"I. Don't. Love. You! Just leave"

"STOP FUCKING LYING, KIRSTIN!"

Kirstie's throat went dry. Her eyes were stinging but she kept her gaze fixed on his. She wasn't going to  let herself be vulnerable again. Not weak. Not broken. If he could hurt her, she could hurt him. 

Slowly, she felt his arms loosen their grip on her wrists he had pinned to her sides, and he backed away. Turning his head, he let out a shaky breath and wiped his teary eyes with a wet sleeve. 

"I'm sorry, Kirstie", she heard him whisper tightly. 

But she was not in the mood. "Yeah, well why don't you go tell Tania, huh? I bet she'd love to 'help you out'", she sneered maliciously, holding open the door for him to leave, her wrists burning. 

Avi looked up sniffling, a hint of twisted amusement on his face.

"Someone's jealous.", he managed weakly as he walked out. Kirstie resisted the urge to bite his lip till it bled just to get rid of that irksome smirk on his face. 

She watched as he left into the pouring rain outside, and closed the door quickly, sinking to the floor. 

Her head in her hands, she groaned. 

Because as much as Kirstie wished it weren't true, all she had wanted to do was kiss him. Well, slap him and scream at him and tear his hair out. But also kiss him. 

All she wanted was him. 

He was consuming her reason for existence, her priorities, her thoughts, her every waking moment was haunted by just how deep their connection was. 

Fuck, she thought. 

And then, walking into her room to change her sopping wet shirt, she really hoped the storm swept him away. 

But a part of her hoped he'd swim back. 

A/N: Hmm. I'm not entirely happy with this one. Initially, it was going to go a completely different direction with the whole jealousy thing, but I just felt like that wouldn't work out in a non-generic way. I know that I didn't really wrap up a lot of things, but one thing I can certainly say is this will have a few more parts to it. 

Should it though? Any feedback is appreciated because I honestly have no idea whether it's worth another part. 

Thanks, as always, for reading this loser's stories. 

:)