Skinny Dipping In The Dark
A Short Story by xLoveMeSoftlyx and her brother, on a day when they were bored to death.
Enjoy.
So there I was, skinny-dipping . . . in the dark. When this muscular dude came out of the house, and was all like;
"What are you doing skinny-dipping in the dark?" And I was like;
"Me and my friend . . . WE BE JAMIN' MAN!" I say in a jamaican accent. And he goes;
"Mind if I join?" So my friend says;
"Sure, We be havin' enough room for another Jamin' man!" And he was like;
"Sweet." And he cannonballs into the pool, but hits his head on the chlorine holder, and knocks his self out. So we take him to the hospital, wearing only what the great lord above gave us.
When we get to the lobby in the hospital, a male nurse with no teeth rushes up to us.
"What seems to be the problem here, ladies?" He asks in a very manly tone. And my friend is all like;
"Quit starin' at my tits you perv, and do your job!" The toothless nurse begins to lead us down a long hallway with an escalator. We reach a room at the end and he ushers us inside. The nurse slams the door closed behind us and locks it. We turn around and see Lil Wayne chillaxin on a gurney. And I was all like;
"Woah! Lil' Wayne, what are you doing here?" And he goes;
"We be steady mobbin!" He shouts and takes a swig of Patron. And then Gucci Mane walks in and is like;
"What the fuck is up? It's Gucci Mane the G!"
And then suddenly something wet pours on me and I wake up in the middle of Family Guy scene. I hand Peter a stick so he can whack the big chicken in the testicle. Meg walks up to me and says;
"Who the fuck are you? Are you here collect the water bill?" And I said;
"Nah, I came here to see Quagmire." Then a voice from behind causes me to turn around.
"GIGGEDY!"
I close my eyes and tap my heels three times, chanting;
"There's no place like home." Over and over again.
When I open my eyes I see cornfields and a mountain lion laying on a couch, made of corn. I turn to my left and see a Moonshine stand, but there was nobody there. So I steal the moonshine, hop in the Dukes Of Hazzard car and drive away with my loot.
I turn around to see if anyone is following and I see Mike from Monsters Inc, and Big Bird making out with Elmo. Suddenly Mike starts talking to me.
"I told them to do this in the cornfields where no one could see them, but nobody ever listens to a one eyed green meatball." And he slits his throat with a stale Dorito off of the floor.
I pull up at Sea World when I see Selvester Stalone. I run up to him and ask for his autograph.
"Sorry kid, I have to go. But don't worry, I"ll be back!" He yells and jumps in his Prius.
I blink a few times and see that I'm standing next to the pool, with my towel in my hand. I cautiously take a step backwards.
"Maybe I shouldn't go skinny dipping in the dark." I say to myself, and walk back inside.
I loved writing this with my brother! We were so bored and had nothing better to do! If you don't like it, sorry! But if you do, vote! (:
