Virgin Queries

2. Plotting

The next morning, Paxton woke to an awful screeching noise. He bolted upright, heart pounding in his chest. He sighed when he realized that it was just his own alarm. He'd set up a recording of himself screeching 'get up, loser' over and over again. Paxton dragged his feet across the floor and grabbed the phone that sat on top of his television. He turned off the alarm and tossed the phone back on the bed. On its charger next to the TV was his computer. He opened it, typed in his password (imadiva420), and brought up his website. Seventeen new people were now following him, and he smiled happily. It was always nice to get a few more followers every once in a while.

Next, Paxton logged into his email account and scrolled through his inbox. There were plenty of interesting topics, such as 'I think there's something wrong with my nipples,' and 'Is there supposed to be hair right here?' but what really caught his eye was an email titled 'Virgin Queries Warrior.' He opened the message and read over it, unsure of what he was actually reading.

Dear V,

I had to use my friend's email account because my mother found out that I'd been emailing you. Please, I don't want to seem like some kind of crazy psycho-stalker, but the reason I HAVE to talk to you is because my mom wants to try and get your website shut down. I don't know when she's going to do it, but I overheard her on the phone talking about passing out papers around town. It's my fault she knows that you live in this state... She said that if she raises awareness, maybe she can start a petition to get the website shut down. Look, I know it sounds crazy, but I promise you, I'm not a psycho and I'm not making this up. You already read her article that I sent you. She's serious business. She has a change.org petition in the makings already...

-A

Paxton read over the email twice, chewing on his lip. What did that woman have stuck up her ass? Clearly it wasn't one of the safe household items he'd listed on his site for those who couldn't go out and buy toys. He sent back a message to A, hoping that they lived close enough to talk. It didn't take more than five minutes before he got a message back saying that they could meet soon. So it was settled. They would meet three hours.

August clicked the lock into the chain, pulling down on it to make sure it was sturdy. It was going to be a long walk home if someone stole his bike. The wind blew his dark shoulder-length hair around haphazardly, his eyes squinting in protest. August shook his hair and began walking to the large swing set. No one else appeared to be around which meant that V wasn't here yet. He dropped down into the last swing and waited. This was definitely not the circumstances he wanted to meet V under. They were sarcastic and witty, and meeting in the park to stop his mother from shutting down the site wasn't what they deserved.

Yet here he was, idly waiting.

August checked the time on his phone. It was ten minutes past the time they were supposed to meet. Maybe V was always fashionably late. Weren't girls like that? Was V a girl? They knew an awful lot about periods, pregnancy, and the like. At the same time, V was a specialist when it came to masculinity, shaving facial hair, and assuring many, many, MANY guys that they weren't small in the pants.

Who was V?

He didn't have to wait long to figure out who they were. Paxton adjusted his white tank top awkwardly as he walked. August watched, his excitement almost visible. He gripped the chains until his skin turned pallid. V was... hot?

"Hey," Paxton said nervously. August smiled widely.

"Hey. I'm A. Also known as August."

"V, also known as Paxton," he replied, taking a seat on the swing one seat down from August. He hadn't known why he'd expected the other to be a female, but it didn't matter one way or the other. Paxton took the sight of the other boy in slowly. He wasn't exactly the type of guy Paxton would ever talk to. Most of the guys in his school that had long hair were sketchy as hell. Not to mention their hair looked greasy. But not August. In a pair of black jeans and a green t-shirt, the boy was at least six feet tall. And his face wasn't exactly drop dead gorgeous, either. Paxton smacked himself mentally. This wasn't a blind date. It was just a meeting to stop some crazy woman from closing his site.

"So..." Paxton said quietly. 

"This is super awkward. Sorry," August laughed. "I don't really know how to start a meeting."

"I don't either. I guess we could start with talking about why your mom's insane?" August chuckled.

"She's more than insane. She doesn't even have a working mind anymore. She thinks most things are vile and unholy. Super religious, to the point of being scary. It's why I live with my dad, actually."

"Jesus..."

"Yeah, that's what she says all the time," he replied. Paxton smiled and turned to face the park in front of him.

"Alright, so, she's crazy. Why did she pick my blog to go all citizen's arrest on?"

"You talk about sex."

"Wait, that's it? It's not because I can be vulgar? Not because I have links to porn? Just because I talk about it?"

"Yessir. Sex is only for a married man and woman, not for teenagers, children, homosec'shuls, or the like. I'm not even kidding, she's said that to me more times than I can count." Paxton stared at the boy in disbelief.

"Where did she grow up? The boonies? This is California, man. We're all deviants."

"She grew up in a small town in Texas. Met my dad when he was on a business trip. But anyway, now's not the time for my life story." August shook his head and got rid of his smile. Paxton nodded in agreement.

"You're right. How are we going to stop... Oh god, I just realized something," Paxton said, his eyes growing wide.

"What?"

"I... I called your mom LePrude, and I was right!" August busted out laughing, and Paxton chuckled loudly.

"Okay, okay, okay. Serious time. Do we know how to stop her?"

"I do, actually. She's done this before. Got a local lingerie to shut down because they had women on the windows dressed in panties."

"I take it she's never been to a Victoria's Secret store then..."

"My mom would have a heart attack. So, what she normally does is hand out fliers to spread the word. She hands them out at work, at restaurants, and on the streets. Then she goes around with a petition and gets people to sign it. Finally, she makes a Facebook page to get the word around on the internet."

"She's a monster..."

"I told you! She's a machine about this. It's actually a bit admirable. Except this is not okay, because I love your blog. So, we have to stop her."

"Then I say we find a way to sabotage those fliers," Paxton smiled deviously, ideas already swirling in his head.