The Lovely Wounds (SpaMano)

Don't Cry Over Spilt...

The Italian climbed out of bed slowly, and headed towards the bathroom. He held no shame in walking around nude. He had done it many times before, so what made this time different? Why should his short but muscular and toned body fluster him? He slipped into the bathroom, flipped on the lights and turned on the hot water. He stepped under the showerhead and let the liquid pour over him. The water was icy at first; it washed away any sleep that still clogged his mind. It gradually turned into a blistering head that felt amazing on his skin. He stood under the water, his brown eyes closed.

Lovino felt relaxed.

Showers allowed him to think, to reminisce. He seemed to always dread them, but today he craved it. It had been years since he had taken his time in the shower, taken his time in anything he had done during his sophomore year in high school. Everything he did reminded him of Antonio. Showers invoked memories of New Year's; that morning they had spent together under the showerhead. It was glued to his memory each time he had let the water fall upon him. He no longer had that memory lingering over his head. Antonio was right outside, waiting for him. There were many times over the years he had dreamt of Antonio, laying next to him, only to find when he woke that the bed beside him was cold and empty. He had given into that warmth as soon as it was available to him again.
Antonio had never truly left his mind. He always wondered where he was, what he was doing, how he had been. The questions, of course always remained unanswered. He lived each day the best he could, though. By the look of Antonio, he had kept in shape. He had eaten. He didn't throw himself into a depression. Lovino was glad he had done exactly the same. Each day, when he was sure the pain could get no worse - although it had managed to later - he kept his head high. He hadn't let himself fall towards anorexia or bulimia or any other eating disorder. He hadn't cut or maimed or injured himself. He remained normal.

Having Antonio back now was going to be both a blessing and a curse for Lovino. He had him back, the only person he had ever loved. Also, if Feliciano wasn't enough, he had another person to look out for. He was sure Antonio knew how to fire a gun after five years of training to be a man in Spain. Hell, Feliciano had a crack shot when he was unflustered and concentrated. Lovino could manage anywhere at anytime. It wasn't him he was worried about in a bad situation. Feliciano could handle himself so long as no one was hurt and no one was at risk of getting hurt. Antonio... Lovino had never seen him under that sort of stress. In Lovino's position, Antonio could only get hurt, or even worse, killed. Lovino worried that he'd never be able to protect him. He was the only man Lovino had ever loved, and he was afraid of being unable to save him...

It was his biggest, most surreal fear.

This wasn't a game. He wasn't sixteen anymore. A relationship with Antonio could either make life worth living or destroy everything he had worked for. If Antonio was a lousy shot and Lovino couldn't protect him, he'd be dead. He could never risk that.

He sat under the showerhead, the water blinding him as it poured down over his eyes. He couldn't continue to beat himself up and destroy himself. It would be torture. That situation would never happen. He would never let Antonio go on any sort of job with or without him. He didn't need to worry. Lovino felt for the handles to turn off the showerhead and stood still for a moment while water ran down his nude frame. He had washed away his drowsiness and replaced it with so many emotions he did not want running through his skull. A sigh escaped his lips and he grabbed a fresh towel from the linen rack and wrapped it around his waist.

Lovino left the bathroom, a yawn stretching across his lips. Antonio was still in bed, playing on Lovino's smart phone. How he had gotten it, Lovino did not know. How he had gotten through his passcode was also a mystery. The Spaniard did not look up at him. He merely kept playing whatever game he had up. Was it Angry Birds? Lovino could have sworn he deleted it when the binge down three years ago.