PROLOGUE
Once upon a time in a land that is a safe distance away, there lived a boy whose heart yearned to be a cat. They all mocked him. "Ha, ha, freaking cat wierdo," they called him. So this little boy, out of fear and anger, ate those children. And the boy's name was Natruro..... A slice of life story brought to you by State Farm....
THE LITTLE KITTY THAT COULD
Naruto found himself resenting the other kids. It wasn't because they all hated him, or because they once threw him into a river and forced him to find his way back to civilization with only a wet cracker. It was because he wasn't a child like them. He was a cat. He knew he was a cat, but the trouble was that nobody understood.
So one day, he saw a fox, and chased the fox, and ate the fox. You know, like cats do. And the fox gave him diarrhea and ebola and aids. And then the fox became a part of him. "Well shit," said Naruto, "I guess I'm a fox too now."
When he told his story they called him a "Cat fucking sugar princess" and shipped him off to a school for other cats.
At this school he made his first ever friends. There was a pot head, coke addict, heroin dealer named Sasuke, and his useless stalker/prostitute/complete bitch Sakura. The three of them made a pact to be best friends forever:
Sasuke: "By the power bestowed upon me by our lord and savior Satan I hereby pronounce this friendship to be holy and pure. Satan, we offer you this virgin as a symbol of our gratitude and we are honored by the benevolence you have shown us. The rivers shall run run red with the blood of our enemies. Thank you Satan. I feel the power coursing threw mt veins. All that oppose Satan shall die. His word is absolute. He is just. He sees all. Your sins are not forgiven. Satan offers no forgiveness."
Sakura: "Don't you think this is a little overboard?"
Naruto: "Oh my god sakura-kun, nobody cares what you think, so shut the fuck up. Sasuke-kun and I need to get this over with so we can go have cat sex in the back alley later."
So they became friends forever and lived happily until one day when David Bowie showed up and forced them to fight an ice witch and a weeabo.
Naruto:"But I don't want to fight an ice witch an a weeabo!"
Sasuke: "Well we have to."
Sakura: "Yeah Naruto so-"
Naruto/Sasuke/David Bowie: "DID ANYBODY ASK FOR YOUR OPINION SAKURA?!"
Sakura: "But what did I do wrong?"
Naruto/Sasuke/David Bowie: "YOU EXIST SAKURA, THAT'S WHAT YOU DID WRONG!" -
And so Naruto and Sasuke had some gay sex and then David Bowie flipped his hair and Sakura was useless like always and they defeated the ice witch and the weeabo but Sasuke died like a bitch ninja so Naruto fucked his dead corpse.
FIN.
