The Sharpest Lives

Chapter Sixteen: Epiphany

[Gerard]

I woke up

I've always thought these are the single lamest, most over-used words. Meaningless. Everyone wakes up. Don't point it out like no one knows what it is. We're not all complete dumbasses.

But now, it means so much more than that. 'I woke up' here means more.

Way more.

It means I live to face another day.

Another day if pain and suffering.

My entire life is just  one massive shithole.

I half expected to find straps across my wrists, pinning me to the bed so I didn't kill anyone, or myself. I was surprised not to find them actually. Very surprised. Did this mean they trusted me?

Idiots.

For a while, I was happy just lying there, staring up at the ceiling, amazed at the fact that I'd made it through the night. I could still remember the last time I'd been suicidal. I thought that time had been the worst.

I wasn't even close.

I couldn't lie there forever though. I had a job to do.

I sat up, and hesitated for a second. What was a waiting for, an alarm to go off because my ass had moved?

I sighed and slowly edged my stiff body off the bed. I was even dressed in the generic dull blue hospital gown. If I kept up the crazy act I bet I'd be upgraded to a straight-jacket.

I noticed a pair of slippers at the end of the bed, and debated whether I was willing to risk it- slippers that have had other flu-or-God-knows-what-other-disease ridden feet sweating in them, or a hospital floor that has about 100 times more shit growing on it- and decided I'd risk it.

I'm such a girl sometimes.

I quietly shuffled towards the door, still not sure if I should even be up by myself. I was just so intent on seeing him I didn't have any other plan that was less stupid-

And of course the door swung open as soon as I got to it. And of course it hit me in the head.

"Shit, Gee! Are you okay?" And of course it was Ray.

I blinked stupidly, before I raised a hand to gingerly feel the dent shoved into my forehead. "Uhhm…yeah…yeah, I'm…"

He frowned disapprovingly at me. "What are you doing up?"

"I…" He let me stand there for a minute with my mouth hanging open, waiting for my brilliant answer. "Frank," I whispered weakly.

He sighed, and began pushing me back towards the bed. "The nurse told me you were asleep," he muttered.

" I was," I said, trying to resist his pushing, "Where is he?"

"You hungry?" he asked. Avoiding the subject.

WHY?

I could feel the blood drain out of my face, my hands start shaking, my head, pounding, my vision slipping…

"Gerard! Gerard, no, stop, he's fine!"

Liar…

"Gerard!"

Frankie…

"Gerard!"

My…

"Gerard! He's fine! Listen to me!"

What?

"He's fine!"

My eyes finally met his and he spoke again, desperately trying to pull me back to reality.