Love is

Those Three Words we Say..Aren't Nearly Enough.

Xoxoxoxox

Dear me,

I hurt so much. So much.

I thought the pains will stop but it doesn't. I thought the tears would stop flowing. It doesn't.

This time I caused it for myself.i let my guard down and let him in again.

I forgive him and allowed him in again..and all he has succeeded to do is make me feel for him again. Not that my feelings of him left before. But I was managing to suppress it while I was trying to move on.

Now I gave in to it again and what do I get? He goes back to the very thing I hate. His silence towards me.
His uncaring nature.
His unconsideration.
His unloving personality.
His lies and secrets.
The stranger that I never knew.

For years I had loved him selflessly and unconditionally.

I loved him with the whole of my heart. My body. With my mind and everything.

I loved him without remorse or regret untill today. I never thought I would ever regret loving him...untill today.

He said he loved me..though I want to believe hum but I know he lies.

How can you claim to love me and then profess love to another and call it just words. Then you expect me to believe..the words you say to me....mine isn't a lie too?

How can you say you love me and you delegate me to the background of your life.

You hide me and make our relationship a secret becus of her and others and you say she means nothing.

Why keep me for years and then dump me and then call me back saying you are sorry and you love and miss me yet you go hours without talking to me. Being there for me. Giving me the joy of what a girlfriend needs. You never make me feel special or wanted or loved..and yet and yet...oh I hurt.

How can you say you love me when all I see is you not getting me.

Did you call me back becus you wanted to feel me underneath you again?

Oh dear me...
Well stupid stupid me!!

I fell for your lies again..
Knowing that I loved you I was an easy task to woo and knowing I won't say no bcs I wanted you too.

But you had your fill..yes you did.
Because...back home it's like I don't exist anymore. As soon as I walked out that door and went home thinking "...This time...it would be right."

You forgot me that instant and went back to being you..The you I hate.. and yet I can't stop loving you.

Oh how cruel love is!

When you broke up with me as harshly as you did and mocked and laughed at my face for loving you stupidly and I should grow up and move on. Forget you and never call you.

No matter how much I cried and pleaded it fell on deaf ears.

After days of torment.

From the fact that I lost you and that my love for you couldn't keep us.

I realised that those three words we often say aren't nearly enough but I said them anyways and everyday because I felt them and I meant them..and I loved you saying it because I thought you were real and true too.

Not because we are supposed to say them..Because my every core...was crazily and totally insanely inlove with you..how could I not express myself...and love you?.
How could I hide my feelings around you.?

But all I got was lies,hurt ,disrespect and disvalued.

I cried for days.

I lost my smiles.