Doll (MikaYuu)

♦14♦ - Happy

My lips quivered as I looked back at her with tears in my eyes. "Mommy, that is not up to me."

"Yes, it is, Mikaela. Make what you can of your life."

"You do the same!" I cried, pressing my face into her sheet. "Do not sit in here anymore! I want you to live... I want you to see."

"What more do I need to see when you are my only vision?"

I shook my head, sniffing back my sorrow. "There is more to life than just I,"

"You are my life, Mikaela."

Our conversation was terse, back and forth like it was the last one we would experience together and it needed to be rapid. We sparred commands and justifications like we had no time left. I did not want it to be like that. I wanted all of the time in the world with her.

"Show me some photos that you've been in, Mikaela," she gently requested, fixing the collar of my shirt.

"You see me all of the time in magazines and media," I weakly laughed, although the fact kind of hurt me. She saw everything I modeled. Some of it hurt her as well as she comprehends the pressure behind them for me. I tell her how every single one comes about.

"Show me one where you are happy. A rare one. I want it framed right beside my bedside," she told me, making me smile.

"Do you want me to take one instead?" I asked, taking out the phone that they had given me. I hardly knew how to work it, but I knew how to access the camera on it. They taught me it as a necessity for some strange reason, although I had limitations to it.

"Oh, yes, show me this technology. How does that work?" she rambled, admiring the silver contraption. I laughed and shrugged, locating my way to the camera.

"I hardly know myself," I told her, wiping away my tears. To hell with wanting a flustered face. She giggled as she saw herself in the phone screen.

"Oh, my... I need to fix my hair," she worried, tussling with the short blonde locks straying from her head. She luckily passed safely without having to go through a process where they removed her hair. It was beautiful. I smiled, carefully adjusting her soft locks that ended just above her ears. It was not as long as it used to be, but it was still vibrant to me.

"Ready, beauty queen?" I asked, letting her finishing up her prep in the camera before she pulled me into frame as well.

"Ah! We look cute. Okay, I'm ready."

She made me take a bunch, but I let her select the one she liked the most after our session. I could not tell her how I was dying inside, and how those photos would become a grief to me. I also could not let the stress of the inevitable get to me. Why call it inevitable? I was a pessimist.

This seemed to really amuse her, and somehow, I became amused as well. She was smiling, therefore I was too. After all, she was my only source of happiness then.

"Okay, send that one to my email when you get a chance. I want it framed," she chuckled, growing into an even larger fit of laughs when she remembered I could not maneuver technology. She sighed, a slight smile still on her face. "Ah, you'll find a way."

I felt happy again that day, but the feeling was brief, like it never even was there. My memories remained strong though, and I never forgot them. I just listened to her heartbeat for a long time with my head rested on her chest, taking a deep breath at the beautiful sound. I yearned for it to beat eternally.

You are strong, mother.

"Mikaela," she said after a long moment. I looked up at her. "I want you to always go."

I was confused by her statement, furrowing my eyebrows as she brushed the hair out of my face.

"Don't ever stay behind if I hold you back mentally. Do not let what is happening with me bring you to suffer too." She told me, tears forming in her eyes. I shook my head. "I want to see you do one thing before... Well, before forever." I knew exactly what she meant. Her cover up made me grow slightly angry. "I want you to find your happiness."

"You are," I immediately told her, but she was already shaking her head in interruption.

"No, Mikaela. I may be for now, but one day--"

"Don't--" I choked on my words, turning away from her. I bit down on my shaking lip, inhaling deeply. I turned back to face her. "Do not say that. You will be for now and forevermore."

"But I would ask of you that you move on, please. You don't have to now, but soon, please. Don't let me become your sadness when I can't be your happiness. Look. You're crying now, I'm already becoming a burden. Please, Mikaela. I can sense someone or something will be there for you more than ever."

I was losing on not crying. "But no one can ever replace you," I tried to tell her through cries. My heart ached horribly. Who could ever replace a mother? She gave me life, and that was irreplaceable.

"Maybe so. But someone will come just to my level, if not. Do something. Meet someone, endorse in something. Fall in love, my son. Be happy. That's all I want."

"Stop speaking like that," I grieved, wiping the tears from my face.

"Fine. But remember what I say to you."

"I will. But it means nothing to me now."

She saw that through me. And I held onto her words. I would keep her promise of finding my source for ecstasy, if any. That day, I did not believe that I could, but later on, I tried. I made an attempt, and that was all she needed.

I worked for Mystique Doll then. 18 and had done over 200 shoots.

I had not found my happiness since.

MiiiiiikavwGy