Between Survival & Giving Up

Packing or Crying

"Look, Kira. You know that no matter what you do I am always gonna be there for you because you are my sister and just because we may not be sisters by blood, but we share the same life and the same man and women as our parents. Yeah, my mother may not be your mother, and your father may not be my father but we made it work and look at us now."I tell her. She wipes at tears I didn't even know were there on my face, and we just cry in the room together, but then I tell her I'll be back because mom wants to see her also. She nods and closes her eyes. I kiss her on the head before walking out and closing the door to get my mom. I walk down the hall and to the waiting room, to find my mom isn't there. I look all around the room but she isn't there, and then I call out her name. However, someone answers but it's not my mom, it's my youngest little sister, Kila, comes from around the corner and tells me that our mom went outside to stop crying. I walk over to where Kila shows me the rest of them are and I tell them to hold on tight here while I talk to mommy. I go outside and find my mom sitting on the ground crying with her head buried in her lap. I walk over and hug my mom, she jumps but then relaxes and leans onto my shoulder, then that's when I notice just how much I mean to this family no matter how much I try to say I mean nothing and they don't care about me. I do matter because everyone is counting on me to help my brother's, sister's and my mom through this.I can't help but think back on how much I have been there for my family, and how badly they have treated me. My mother looks at me and smiles and we just stare at the stars in the sky. I get up and help my mother up, we walk into the building I tell my mom to go see Kira while I watch the kids. She heads off in the direction I pointed her to, and I turn to look at my brother's and sister's who were now lying on the hospital waiting room floor fast asleep. Watching these crazy kids just got a lot easier. I wait for my mom to come back and tell me about what Kira said, but she only comes out with her head bowed just like the doctor. I stare at my mother both concerned and suspicious, and then she tells me the news,

"Kira is pregnant but the baby had died from the impact of the fall.", I feel happy at first but then sad. One, because I would be an aunt at twelve, and two my unborn niece or nephew just died. I watch my mother's expressions go back and forth between happy, sad and mad. I walk back to Kira's room and find her sitting up in the bed her face hidden in her hands. When I walk over and sit on the foot of the bed she slightly jumps before looking up and relaxing, and she just stares at me and frowns but smiles also.

"So you were pregnant? Why didn't you tell me? We could have talked about it. I would have had your back 10% when you would have told mom. Kira you have to stop keeping things from me, you keep more from me then you tell me. It's just not right I tell you everything about me even the little things.", I tell her feeling upset that she never told me.

"Even if I told you it wouldn't have stopped me from going off the edge, I still would have done it and I still was hoping you would have just let me die down there.", Kira said, and then becoming aggravated by her words I slapped her in the face.

I was so surprised by my actions that I froze in place after my hand met her face, and stared at my hand. I looked up at Kira who was holding her face in one hand shocked at me also. I got up from the bed and rushed out the room not saying anymore to her, for I was ashamed with myself, angry with both her and me, and altogether just sad that I couldn't have known and helped her before it got this serious. I stump out the room and my mom sees my anger she tries to hug me and I think back to how she tried to hug me at school when she was beaten and hurt, and I let her hug me this time.

As my mother hugs me, I remember all the times I have blocked her out and made her feel like she was never good enough. I then start to cry on her shoulder feeling ashamed of myself for all the times I have disrespected her. I feel my mother rub my back and whisper that it's okay and she forgives me, and that everyone goes through tough times when they forget who has been there for them. I stop hugging my mom and look up at her she is also crying, I wipe my mom's face and kiss her forehead, she does the same and we begin to laugh at how much we are alike yet so different at the same time. My mother and I walk back into the building towards the waiting room, so my younger siblings can go and see Kira so they feel worried and scared that she is badly hurt. Which she is, but just so they can see that she doesn't look bad unless you look at her from the knees down. When my younger siblings walk into the room and see Kira I see in their eyes as if something big was let off their chest as if it was causing them not to breath. I smile at the sight of this and tell them to walk over and give her a hug she would like that, and also to keep watch of falling on her legs. I watch as they carefully climb the high hospital bed to give Kira a hug, I laugh when my baby brother who is two tries his best to climb the bed and get to Kira he fails and falls to the floor on his butt. He looks at me as if he is about to cry I walk over still laughing as I pick him up and sit him next to Kira on the bed. He sits there and hugs her, she smiles and relaxes to his touch. I can tell she has missed the comfort of her younger brother's and sister's by the way she holds on to them when they hug her.

About fifteen minutes after my mom and I brought my younger siblings into Kira's room they are all sleep together wrapped around Kira on the bed. I tap my mother who is watching the tv to look she turns and sees them and smiles she takes out her phone and takes a picture. However, my mom wouldn't usually take pictures of Kira like this, but this picture was different because it is rare for us to find me or Kira hugging our younger siblings fast asleep like this. My mother sends this picture to my grandmother and my aunt, and they text back within seconds. My mother then remembers that in our rush to the hospital she didn't call my grandmother or my aunt to say what happened to Kira. My mother dial's my grandmother's number first and steps outside the room to slowly and calmly explain what had happened. When my mom is done talking to my grandmother, she says that she is on her way. However, when my mom tried to call my aunt she didn't answer her phone, but my aunt did text my mom saying that she is on her way and she can explain what happened there. My grandmother arrives at the hospital in twenty minutes, and my aunt arrives just shortly five minutes later. I watch as my mother walks outside the room and begins to talk to my grandmother trying to calm her down. I watch through the small window in the room as my grandmother looks as if she is yelling at my mother and then they hug each other and cry for a second before coming in together. My grandmother walks over to Kira and kisses her forehead, and then she walks over to me and says,

"Ciara, you are a wonderful little sister and we all appreciate how you risked your life to save your sister even if she isn't you blood sister, and just because you both have a different mother and father you both share the same man as your father and that's enough. You and Kira share a special bond and you two should keep for as long as you can, so keep doing the things you are doing, you will be greatly paid back in time.", my grandmother says to me looking as if she is to cry. We hug each other and laugh at old memories of how our lives seemed easier as we watched Kira's heart rate monitor slow until it comes to a surprising stop.