The Dreamer

The Confession

Days passed, and I started to be more, and more comfortable around Jack. But no matter how close we got, and how much time I spent feeling him, what he told me back at the lake was still throbbing at the back of my mind. Yet every time I came close to bringing it back up, I stopped myself before I could ruin things again. 

I woke up late that morning. I spent the day before at Jacks watching mean girls and making dinner together, I hurried and put on a pair of shorts, a random t-shirt, and some vans, I quickly put on my make up,  grabbed an apple and ran out the door. I usually walked to collage with Jack but he was doing something today and didn't have time to go to school. Predictably I got to class 5 minutes late, but the teacher which ever one this was, happened to be okay with it. I opened my economic work book and scribbled down the title of the lesson, as Mr Balder yapped on about money I suddenly realised that Levi has not been in since the night of his party. It was almost two weeks now that I'v been sitting here alone, on one hand I was glad that I got to think about what happened, before talking to him again. But on the other hand I was worried about him. Quite a bit actually. 30 minutes into the lecture, the door opened. 

"How nice of you to join us Lexi"  The sarcasm in Mr Balder's voice was almost missable.

For a second there I got hopeful, but still no Levi. He is probably mad at me for not even calling him after the whole fight. For the first time in two weeks I felt bad for him. I should have spoken to him, or at least sent him a fucking face-book massage to ask him if he was fine.

The hour passed and finally It was time to go home. I grabbed my books, and slowly walked towards Haley's locker, she was standing in front of it small and cute, with a tiny smile on her face. 

"Hey there." I said giving her a small wave. 

"Oh! Hello hun." She replied with a big smile on her face.

"Listen, I'm so sorry for being such a terrible friend, but I cant go out with you today."

"But why, I finally got a chance to hang out with you!" She looked awfully disappointed, I felt bad for doing this to her, but I really could not go.

"I know, I'm so sorry, but... we can hang out Friday after school, before John gets in?"

She smiled like a big ol' dummy and flushed a little bit at the sound of my brothers name. God she was just a big pile of cute. She told me it was okay, and we said our goodbyes, as Haley went right towards our neighbour hood, and I went left. It took me 20 minutes to get there by foot, and as I reached the gravel road leading towards the big house I got more, and more nervous. I rang the shiny gold door bell, and hoped for the best.

I heard footsteps approaching, and the handle turning. A dark bundle of hair poped out in the door.

"What?" Said a tired, cold voice. 

"Hey Levi"

He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and look at me. After realising it was me his eyes looked slightly embarrassed. He lifted his head a little and his face was fully exposed in the light. He had a small cut on his lip that looked like it could have looked gross the night he got it, but it was now healing nicely. His dark hair looked almost black, in the pale afternoon light and was sticking out in all directions, suggesting that I just woke him up. 

 ”Oh, hey”

He said in a neutral voice as he opened the door wider, he was wearing an old looking t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants, he was holding the door just enough to seem polite, but not wide enough to be inviting. That kinda sucked. I shifted my weight, took in a small breath and spoke.

" You haven’t been in school since, since… well I though that’s I should come and see if you’re fine, and well, to apologize about what happened. " 

He stayed quiet, that was the thing about Levi, I could never read him, for all I know he could be planning a murder and to me he would still seem neutral. I envy him for it. After what seemed like hours he finally spoke.

" It wasn’t your fault, for all you knew you weren’t dating right? Well I’m happy that at least I didn’t get knocked out for nothing, I’m so proud to be the one that brought the two of you together, really its not like I cared about you at all."

His expression turned hard, and his eyes seemed to be darker than usual. Shit, of course he’d find out, he knew everybody, the news would spread quickly enough. 

"Well if you excuse me, I’ve got a sad love ballad to write."

He was about to slam the door shut, in my face but I managed to move faster than him, sticking not just my foot, but half of my body in between the door. 

"I’m sorry"

I said in a small voice, his expression didn’t change, but I wasn’t about to give up too easily. 

"I’ts complicated between him and me, its like, its like- I cant even explain it" 

He let out a sarcastic laugh that contained no humor in it what so ever.

"Is it complicated? He showed up, dazzled you with his motorbike and outcast  tendencies, skipped all the bullshit and took you home with him.  When I’ve been working my ass off,  trying to make you at least tolerate me for the past year, and when I decide to try out his methods I get my ass kicked. So please just leave me alone so I can sit here and sulk for another week"

I felt defeated,  there was so much more to it that even I didn't understand but how could I ever explain it to him? I couldn't even explain it to myself. But I felt determined to patch things up with him, I really did care for Levi, before Jack came along I even had a little bit of a crush on him he was so chill and sweet and different from everyone else. I couldn't bear the thought of him hating me forever.  

"The truth is I don't know what I feel, everything with Jack just happened so quickly I forgot everything that happened before... I forgot how I felt about you and the night of the party I began to remember again,  but Jack keeps on showing up and making my mind into a mess and... I just don't want to loose you."

By the time I finished my speech my voice was barley audible,  I shifted my gaze from looking into his eyes to staring at my feet, I felt so incredibly vulnerable,  I never wore my heart on my sleeve not even to Haley, I've never trusted anyone to confess my actual feelings.  Before I started to fold in on myslef and eventually dissappear Levi let out a long exaggerated sigh.

"I’m sorry. I really wish I could have you to myself but obviously that's not what you want."

I wasn't sure what to say to that but before I could do anything my thoughts were interrupted by a female voice.

"Levi hurry up, I'm getting bored and we both know how naughty I get when I'm bored"

This was followed by a high pitched giggle and the sound of fabric hitting the wooden floor of his house. 

"I'm not going to fight for you forever"

And before he slammed the door in my face I caught a glimpse of his expression,  no longer a cold sneer but a warm playful smile,  one that I've never received myself. 

I guess he wasn't, strictly speaking, sleeping after all.