I know how it feels.
I know how it feels to be addicted to pain, to drowning yourself in your own sorrows, to trying so hard to forget about the people you care about and just get it over with; end your life and rid the Earth of just another fuck-up.
I know how it feels to cry yourself to sleep every night, and stare at the blade in your hand wondering where everything went wrong; where was the happy child that you used to be?
I know how it feels to christen that new blade with your own blood.
It's an addiction - a habit I thought I'd ridden myself of many, many months ago.
But it's still here, and it makes it's ugly appearance once again.
The sadness begins again. The darkness closes in again. The cries of pain and fear and regret are heard again.
"You'll be fine," they said. "It's over now."
But does it ever end? Is there ever an answer to the prayers you make every night, begging for the pain to go away?
There is, I promise you.
You have to break the chain.
It's the only way, I swear.
Things will become to feel different, the chapters in your book called 'Life' will slowly begin to move forwards, and the pages will turn.
But if there is one thing I must tell you, it is these words:
Do not look back.
Looking back will only bring the unwanted memories back, and we don't want to be like that again, do we?
Finally, we've done it.
The pain is over.
The permanent solution to a part-time problem, did you make it? Did you think that you couldn't get out of it? This on-going cycle?
No, you didn't.
You stayed strong and you made the right decisions.
You took that blade and looked straight at it's metallic surface. You said "I'm not afraid, anymore" and you threw it away.
Now your pain is over.
You smile like you once did, and it is a beautiful smile. Just like you.
And I'm watching, I promise.
I'm always here, but watching.
You cannot see me, but I see you.
Like a ghost.
Not like.
Because that is what I am.
I took the permanent solution... And where did it get me?
It got me my own personal headstone, engraved with words such as 'friend', 'girlfriend, 'daughter' and 'she was always so well-behaved'.
I took the permanent solution, and now I am just a memory.
So, rid yourself of your addiction.
Do it right now; throw the blade away, get rid of the lighter... Tell someone.
Because these are the things I never did.
And now my addiction is me.
