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It Hurts Me More

Limang taon.

5 years. I've known her that long. Long enough to know her inside and out and all that lies within.

Honestly, I lost my confidence when i started knowing a being like her. She's sweet and kind. She has her share of mood swings yet she's still a very likable being. I am naive when it comes to her. Di ko maligawan. Di malapitan. Kasi nga naman ang magic word ay KAIBIGAN. Shoot the thought.
Well, I've had my share of relationships yet they didn't last very long because of my hidden feelings for her. Damn.

She had a boyfriend. Wow ha 3 years. Bro, that must be something. I thought I lost it all. Imagine? She went too steady with that man. ME? Well I have always settled with what every moment and situation give me.

They broke up. Honestly I was happy I mean why not? But the sad part was they broke up and i am COMMITTED. Mika was too pleasant and kind for me. I cant be selfish and leave her just because Aly was already single.

I loved Mika. I wont deny that. Maybe not as much as i loved Aly.

Mika started to become insecure of herself. I asked myself if I was that obvious yet I want to deny it. I cant hurt her. Unfortunately I realized I did and I needed to break free but i dont know how.

I decided to be honest to Mika.

"Miks, hindi mo deserve masaktan at alam mo yan. Pero the more na tinatago ko the more na mahihirapan tayo. Minahal kita kaya lang mas mahal ko siya noon pa. I dont really have all the words to say right now to make you feel better but i really hope you do. Sorry miks. Im really sorry."

"Kief, you knew all the things I needed to gamble because I love you. I didn't expect you to do the same but I felt in a lot of ways that you loved me too but not enough to make me feel how much you loved her. I will let you go not because I accept the fact that you loved me less. I will let you go because I need to love myself again. Thanks for the memories Kief."

I saw Mika's tears. I cant help but cry too.

After season 77 finals Aly got busy because of her U-23 stint. She was the same amazing player everyone knew she was. I heard she was going out with that guy from UP but i learned they were really just close friends.

Sea Games 2015. Held in Singapore. I was just too proud of her. Flag bearer. Imagine? Dude that is something.

I was part of the Gilas Cadets for the basketball team. Well I must say other than the gold medal I had I was rewarded with time to be with her there.

@kieferravena: We become the company we keep. Thanks @alyssavaldez2

Well, I really didn't care what others may think. I think 5 years may have been really patriotic for me.

After 8 months

"Kief, thank you ha."

"Why babe?"

"You kept up with me. You always wait for me. You keep on surprising me. You fight for me. I dont know what i've done to deserve you and your love."

"Aly, my babe, my joy, I will always be here even if you dont want me to. I love you more than I love my shoes and i am more patient with you than all the dogs in our house. Haha. Kidding aside babe, it hurts me more when you are hurt and pained. Kahit ano pa yan o kahit sino. I love you babe. I love loving you. Please instead of saying thank you just let me love you."

"Dont worry Kief. I would never want you to stop. I love you too."