Finding Harley: Renegades MC Story

Chapter 9

The poor prospect's face drained of color as he motioned for the gate to be opened. Thank god he feared Mac like I hoped.

"Straight to the club and no detours."

"You got it Mike and thanks, head on down once your shift is over, first drink is on me."

With a quick wave I drove out of the compound as fast as I could.   Thank God the idiot didn't know that Mac was inside the building, sitting right next to Axel.   Sending up a quick thank you to whoever was on my side I headed towards to my place.  

Ten minutes later I was back on the road.

I figured I would put a few hours in tonight and rest come morning.   I needed the miles between me and any remaining SOD...and the Renegades.   I had a sick feeling in my stomach that I was making a huge mistake but I ignored it.   Axel, Mac and the brothers didn't need to deal with my shit. Hopefully the SOD left them alone once they realized I was gone.

The hotel was cheap, close to the freeway and the type of place that didn't ask questions...everything I needed.   The room wasn't too bad and at this point I was so tired it didn't matter.   Collapsing on the bed I didn't even bother taking off my shoes as I planned on leaving the second I woke.

But it wasn't my alarm on my phone that had me jumping up, it was the pounding on the door.   Glancing at the clock I saw that it was five in the evening, shit I didn't plan on sleeping that long. 

Grabbing my Taser from the table I moved to see who was on the other side.

"Dammit Harley open the fucking door.   We know you are in there."

Shit...Axel.   How the fuck did they find me so fast.   Unlocking the door I opened it and stepped aside.   Axel and Mac both stormed through checking their surroundings.

"I am fine...what the fuck do you both want?"

"What the fuck is your problem running off like that?   You are under our protection and we can't fucking protect you if you keep skipping' town."

"Dammit Axel, I didn't ask for your protection or your help.   Why can't you leave me the fuck alone?   I have survived the last eight years fine on my own, I don't need you."

"Maybe because you have finally found people that give a damn about you, did you ever think of that?"

"I wrote you..."

"Fuck your Dear John letters...I don't want your gratitude I want you safe.   Why is that so fucking hard for you to understand?"

"Maybe because I don't believe you.  Sure I know Mac cares, hell he has been more of a father to me in these last months than my own ever was...but you, yeah I find that hard to believe.  I am done being messed with."

"That's bullshit, you are just running scared. Grow the fuck up! And think of someone besides yourself for once."

"Of course I am scared, hell I have spent every day since my father was murdered living in fear.   I know that if Hunter got his hands on me again, I would beg for death.   So don't you dare stand there an act like you even understand one iota of what the fuck I live with on a daily basis, I don't need to add your shit into the mix."

I was so pissed, how dare he barge in here and judge me.   He didn't wake up nights screaming from nightmares, past experiences.   He didn't constantly look over his shoulder wondering if today was the day that you would return back to hell.

Mac tried to soothe me but for once it wasn't working. His comforting touch did nothing in calming me down.  

"I give a damn...more than you know."

"Oh really.   Did you give a damn when Misty, Bridget and Peggy were stuffing their breasts in your face last week?  Or how about last night when your sweet butt was making her way down your chest to give you a blow job.  Did you give a damn when you came in her mouth?   Take your words and shove them up your ass Axel, like I said before I don't need your shit.  Now get the fuck out of my hotel room and leave me the fuck alone."

Guilt graced his face as he stood there letting my words sink in.   But then it was replaced with something else...something I didn't understand, nor did I want to.

"Mac – get out."

"Axel, man..."

"I said get out.   You know that I would never lay a finger on her."

Sighing he turned. The door slammed as Mac stomped out, swearing the whole way.  Axel's eyes never once left mine the entire time, when the door was finally closed he slowly made is way towards me.

"Now let's get a few things straight.   I am a free man and can fuck who ever I want, but that doesn't mean that I did.   Yes I admit that I flaunted those girls in front of you for two reasons.  One because my ego took a hit when you turned me down and the second because I didn't want to drag you into my world.   You were an innocent in more ways than one."

He finally stopped once he had my back up against the wall and his arms caging me in.   "After a few kisses I knew that you were inexperienced and I have certain tastes...I like to fuck and fuck hard.   That day Mac showed up you backed away from me, nothing but fear in your eyes, I knew then I had to leave you alone. I did what I did to protect you from me as messed up as that sounds."

Did the man really not see how turned on I was that day?  I was afraid but not of him, but of having sex and him seeing me naked.   If Mac didn't show up I was prepared to go that final step. 

"I have tried to stay away and forget you but you keep popping up.   It is driving me crazy that I cannot get you out of my fucking mind.   When you ran from the room last night, it took three guys to hold me back from running after you.   So don't tell me I don't give a fuck, because I do."

"And the other woman..."

"Yes some of them yes, I fucked them but not all of them and definitely not last night.   I won't lie, if the prospect didn't come in and see Mac I would have, I needed the distraction.   That was all they were, nothing but distractions."

"Yeah and remember that I also grew up in a club and I also know that those distraction never go away.  I will not stand by and allow any guy I am with to so easily replace me.   I have spent my life alone and I fucking deserve someone to love me all the way, not only when it is convenient.  So you can take your distractions and shove them up your ass.  Now get the fuck out!"

Pushing him off me I walked into the bathroom and locked the door.   I was so tired of excuses.   I deserved more dammit.   Was that too much to ask?   Just one guy, one fucking guy to look at me and love me completely. Its not like I expected him to drop to my knees from day one, but I did at least expect him to keep it in his pants while we figured things out.

I was not worthless and dammit I deserved to be treated with love and respect. Not be dicked around all in the name of "Protecting me."

Protecting me...what a crock of shit.