Psych

Terror and I...

Xander White? What do I think about Xander White?!

He is the reason why I hate school, the reason I don't feel safe. All he does is taunt and torment me, each day going deeper into my skin, clawing at me with every word, every touch. He loves to see me cry, to see me in pain, agony. It's his hobby. A dirty little secret. Wherever I turn, there he is, in front of me with that devilish grin or the smirk of pity he has only for me. Always telling me I'm pathetic and worthless, spitting out, "But remember, that is only an understatement."

He has made this world for me, the one I am forced to live in, and only he can visit it. Everything I am, I am to him. Everything I do, is a reaction of him. Everything I say- well I don't even speak, unless spoken to. Everything I fear, is him. He, the one who makes every second into a agonizing hour, or even a day.

He is the reason my life is so distorted from others. He jerks my heart around as if it's tied with chains; plays with it like a child's favorite toy, even if it is worn out to what always seems like the end. I am that toy- the toy you see and think to yourself 'Any second could be it's last'. I am a "it" I have nothing, I am nothing. I do not come with an identity or a mindset, unless it is given by him.

I am only his, but how dare he! How dare he control me against my fragile will! I loathe him. I-

"Kani?"

I gasped, "Oh, Uh... Sorry"

My mind came back into reality, feeling nothing but sick to my stomach just from the thoughts. Realizing I was in the counselor's office, again.

"You blanked out on me for a while, are you alright?" Mrs.Lovlock asked me with concern burning in her eyes, as always.

"I'm sorry, yes, I'm fine. Uh what were you asking me again? I'm sorry" I said nervously, anxiously waiting to get out of that 'cell' of a so-called "safe-zone"

"Xander White. What do you think about him?" She asked, then it hit me, the reason why I was in there in the first place. Called into the office because of her concern about me being possibly bullied, absurd right?

"I- He's nice" I put my head down, fiddling with my fingers like a child would when lying or in some kind of trouble, curse my fidgeting.

"Are you sure about that?" She asks me with a clear soothing voice, I nod again without any kind of hesitation. "What makes you say so, what does he do to be nice?" She questioned me, I gradually lifted my face to her with lost eyes and struggle,

"He helps me" I shrug lowly, avoiding eye contact, because I knew I couldn't take anymore of her you can tell me anything looks

"Is that right?"

"Yes he does, now can I go, I'm going to get in trouble!" I burst out slapping my hands against my thighs as I am now face to face with her..

"Miss Akina, calm yourself, I'm almost done"

"But I'm going to get in trouble, please miss, I reall-"

"In trouble? By whom?" She asks me curiously

"M-my parents, please, they don't like it when I'm late" I begged, my body shaking out of my control.

"Just one last question"

"Yes!?" I look to her as I get up from my seat, putting my binder close to my chest in protection

"If anyone hurts you, you'd tell me right?" She asked sweetly with care and such soft eyes, like a divine goddess sent from the heavens.

"Yes Mrs. Lovlock, I promise" I smile and she does the same but with a small hand gestured sign to excuse me from the room.

I immediately put my head down as I walked out the main office and to the front gate, walking as fast as I could to get home.