I was walking down the hall this morning and as I looked down the hallway I saw a boy similar to you. Similar in height, weight, hair color, and clothing choice. He walked like you did and in that moment I thought it was you again. Isn't it funny that when people constantly asked what I love about you so much I would always reply with "I don't really know", but then in the most unexpected moments I remember all the little things that made you who you are to me? I drove past an apple orchard the other day. There was this big ol' sign out front that said "apples". "His favorite fruit is apples," I said. Amber just ignored the comment. I think I'm just lonely. I stopped talking to the new boy two days ago. Amber said I should get back with him. Sometimes I want to because I miss being adored and I miss having someone to play with my hair and holding me while I sleep. I miss having someone to go to when something exciting happened or when I had a bad day or when I just needed someone to hold me. I didn't want it from the new boy, or any other boy. I liked having him buy me flowers, but you know what I like more? That time you bought me an embroidered pillow for my bed because I told you about how I hold things in my sleep. I liked having him smoke cigarettes by the river with me, but you know what I like more? When I'd pull a cigarette out and you'd give me the spiel about how you didn't like me smoking because it was bad for my health, but sat there and let me smoke because you knew I liked it. I liked that he was quiet, but you know what I like more? When you would go on and on about your beliefs and how you thought the game went and what you thought about your mom's boyfriend and your favorite band. I liked that he was the flawless, artsy guy that all the girls wanted, but I could have. But you know what I liked more? I like your thick black hair speckled with greys and your big nose and the four moles on your right arm that formed a funny square and the way your ears get red when your nervous. You hated all those things about yourself and I remember sitting across from you in that classroom everyday and thinking to myself that I would never love someone as much as I loved you and all the little things about you. I still don't think I will. I look for you in everyone and I don't think I'll ever stop. Everyone told me that time will pass and that one day I'll get over you, but after two years I still feel a hollow ache inside me and I just want you here again. I never expected your love and I don't know what changed, but even if you did love me again I wouldn't know what to do with it. I think we both forgot how to love and we're both grieving, but if things ever changed maybe I wouldn't feel so incomplete anymore.
