Katniss&Peeta-Forever&Always

Without You

May 16th

Katniss POV

Peeta caught the train to the Capitol this morning. I offered to ride with him, the thought of him alone on a train that appears in our nightmares so frequently, terrified me. Of course he told me not to worry, but I still do.

It was hard saying goodbye at the train station. My body was numb with terror. A terror of being alone at night without Peeta's arms encircled around me, warding off the nightmares. A terror of taking care of the triplets, alone. A terror for the triplets being without their daddy, who they adore. A terror for Peeta, being alone in the place that's responsible for most of our suffering. So much terror that I knew I had to keep hidden from my husband, who worries so dearly.

Peeta kissed me so passionately on the platform, completely oblivious to the wandering eyes of the District 12 residents. When the train lights came into view, instinctively I wrapped my arms around him, trying so hard to forget the memories of the last night in the Quarter Quell. After whispering 'I love you' over and over, we let each other go and Peeta got on the train and I was left here, already counting down the minutes until he came home.

However, no matter how tough it was leaving Peeta at the train station, it won't come close to the sadness I felt while I watched Peeta say goodbye to the triplets. They didn't really understand what was going on. They wrapped their little arms around Peeta's neck as he held them close to him. When he finally let them go, I struggled to meet his eyes because they held so much sadness.

I walk across the dirt path that leads to the Victor's Village and wrap my jacket around me tightly because of the odd chill in the air. When I reach our house, it is quiet for once. I walk in and find Haymitch, who agreed to watch the triplets with Effie, asleep on the couch and the triplets spread across the carpet snoring. I find Effie drying dishes in the kitchen and eye her questionally.

"Please don't tell me Haymitch has put liqueur in their bottles and that's why they're all asleep on the floor." I say.

"Oh don't be stupid! They were playing some game called 'What's the time Mr. Wolf.' I don't think the triplets understood what was going on, but they enjoyed running around the place for 30 minutes." Effie smiles, and I know I should be concerned but I can't find it in me right now to think about anything but Peeta.

Is he coping okay on the train? What if he has a nightmare? Or worse, a flashback? Who will be there to calm him down? These thoughts whirl around in my mind and are close to consuming me.

Effie must notice the terrified look on my face. Of course she does. "It'll be okay, you know. I know three weeks seems like a long time but you'll be able to call him everyday and I'm sure the triplets will keep you so busy that you won't even know what happened to the last three weeks!"

Typical Effie to always see the positives in so much negativity. I suppose she's like Peeta in this way. Unfortunately, I haven't been blessed with this trait and all I can see is a 26 year old woman with three children to look after by herself, waking up constantly with screams and cries, calling for lost children.

I don't notice my silence until Effie pulls me out of my trance. "Why don't you and the triplets stay at our house tonight?" Effie suggests and before I can protest she is planning the whole night. "I'll make us dinner and then you four can stay in one of the spare rooms!"

I find it hard to turn her offer down when I know how much she cares and wants to help so I agree. "I'll go and make their bags. Do you mind waking them because they will never sleep tonight otherwise." I ask Effie, knowing she won't refuse. As much as I truly love my children, I am not yet ready to face the 'where's daddy' questions.