The Past
Ashley looked around the empty house, wishing to hear the loud yelling of her parents, wishing to hear the baby crying in the back-ground , to hear anything, anything at all. Nothing. Nothing but the loud piercing silence.
So there she sat, remembering all the things she did wrong , all the things that she could have done, could have said. It's all to late now. They are gone. They aren't coming back. They're dead. You need to just accept it. Move on. Nothing. You. Can. Do. Nothing.
It all seems like a distant dream. One minute I was on the phone with my mother being yelling at, and the next I hear screams and screeching, as a drunk driver made a hard on collision -killing them all instantly. Even my sweet little baby sister that never did anything wrong. She was all I ever really had. My saviour in the darkness. Now what do I have?Nothing, that's what?! How could people sit there and tell me everything would be okay, that this was God's plan? No. I refuse to believe that. There is no God and never will be. What kind of "God" does this? To someone who did nothing wrong? That never even had a chance to start her life. For heaven sakes, she was just one. One, dammit, one!
Well, let me tell you something. Fuck you all and your "God". I don't need him or anyone else. I'm 18 years old and this is my last year of High School. I just need to pull my self together a little while longer and get away. To get away from all these memories. All these people. This life. I just need it all to go away. I can't handle it. I just can't. It's either I disappear this way or I'm going to have to take drastic measures.
Even though, I've lost everything ever dear to me, I still can't bare the though of taking the easy way out. Yeah. I get it. It'd be easier. I would, but I'm scared, okay? I want to. I want out. So badly. I can't though. I just can't. How I wish I could. The images of that little blonde beauty with blue eyes and pig tails burn in the back of my mind.
No. I need to live for her. For my sweet Elisa, who will never have a chance to live for herself.
Tears begin to rack my whole body as I strain to breathe. I feel as if I'm breaking, shattering, becoming nothing but an empty shell. The pain is so unreal. So unbearable. The pain of losing my parents hurt, but they've been long gone even before this. Losing my little baby sister, is the cause of my pain. She was another part of me. She still is. I'm nothing without her. Don't worry little girl, I'm still here. I'll live the life you were meant to have. If only, if only, our mom wasn't caught up with yelling at me for skipping out on school again then maybe, just maybe, you'd still be here in my arms. I'm back where I started sweetie, before you were born, all alone.
