Safety (Bellarke)

the ice queen: part four

Octavia leapt from her seat in the common room when she saw Bellamy carefully walking down the hall and back to where they were. She frowned when she noticed his ashen white face, and grew concerned. She reached out a hand on his shoulder.

"Bel, are you okay? You look like you've just seen a ghost." She asked him, and Bellamy closed his eyes, shoulders tight and strained.

"I think I just did." He whispered. Octavia opened her mouth to question him, but Josef was already on the ball, ready to talk politics.

"How did the meeting go? You were not in with their leader very long, that concerns me. Were you successful?" Abram nodded in agreement.

"I'm sorry, it didn't go as well as it could have. I was caught off guard and my emotions clouded my judgement. Their leader is giving us until tomorrow to come up with a perfect argument for ourselves." Bellamy explained, wanting to tell Octavia about who he'd just seen, but decided against it. He wasn't level-headed yet, and his stomach still felt like it did when the dropship first landed on Earth. When she gave him a questioning glance, he shook his head, trying to communicate with her that now was not the time. Lincoln stood.

"Okay, well we have much work to do then. Come, some guards were kind enough to lend us some spare rooms for our stay here. We can discuss tomorrow in one of the rooms." He ushered everyone towards a flight of stairs. Bellamy followed behind, but not before stopping one last time, to peer down that hallway, wondering what Clarke Griffin was doing right then.

__________

Clarke was pacing back and forth in her suite room, nervously wringing out her hands. This version of the Ice Queen was one no one had ever seen before, except for Nadia. Nadia, one of Clarke's advisors and surprisingly close friend, had a surprising look on her face.

"Your Highness, I've never seen you this distraught before. Is it something to do with our new guests we have visiting?" Nadia knew about Clarke's past, well, the true story. The rest of her kingdom believed that she was a previous member of a faroff tribe who'd escaped unjust prison to come and save the people of the Ice Nation. Right now Nadia was the only person Clarke really trusted and confided in.

"I am so stupid, so naive! Honestly! Completely and utterly stupid!" Clarke said, tugging at her tightly woven braids in her hair, exasperated. "I just stood there, and looked at him! I mean, I couldn't even move! It was pathetic! Why?!" She huffed, throwing herself onto her bed. This Clarke was a mess, comparable to a steady rain turning into a violent and crazed hurricane, all in the matter of an instant. Normally, Clarke was the Ice Queen, cold hearted and level-headed, not this. Nadia was completely in awe. Who or what could possibly turn her serious and emotionless leader into a downright mess?

"Your Highness-" Nadia started.

"It's Clarke, Nadia." Clarke snapped, hands rubbing her eyes.

"I apologize, Clarke, but might I ask, what has gotten you so... how would you sky people say it? Worked up?" She frowned, brows furrowed. Clarke took a deep breath and stood back up, facing Nadia.

"It's him, Nadia. Bellamy. He's here." She whispered and Nadia's eyes widened.

"The boy, I'm sorry the man you-"

"Yes, him." Clarke said, anxiety lacing her shaky voice.

"Well, isn't that a good thing? How lucky are you to be reunited with the man you loved!" Nadia exclaimed, a smile growing on her face.

"I don't love him. Love, love never worked out for me. And besides, I am the leader of the most ruthless clan of the upper north mountains. If my enemies knew my past, they could exploit potential weaknesses, putting my people at risk and ultimately destroying the very empire I've worked so hard to rebuild." Clarke huffed, pacing around with hands in the air.

Nadia frowned. "Might I be completely honest Miss Clarke?"

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Lay it on me, I don't care."

Nadia rose and began walking around the room. "First, Your Highness- Clarke," she said, correcting herself. "You are overanalyzing. Your enemies are not quite literally lurking around every corner of this palace. You've made sure of that. And I don't believe having your past revealed is what you're truly worried for."

Clarke's eyebrows furrowed. "Then what do you believe I'm really worried for?"

Nadia looked her in the eyes, her chestnut ones seeming to pierce into her blue ones. "You are truly worried about being vulnerable. Being seen for the person you really are. You don't want Bellamy to see this new you, because deep down, you hate who you've become. And you think he will too." She said, her words sending shivers down Clarke's spine. She was right. Nadia continued. "Let me tell you a story my mother told me growing up, sit." Nadia ushered for her to sit next to her.

"Once, long ago, before the world unfolded into a nuclear hell, people would tell stories about something they called soulmates. Authors, poets, psychiatrists, doctors, scientists and speakers spent their whole lives trying to find an adequate representation of what a soulmate was. But the basic story is this: When someone was created, they were born with two heads, four legs and a pair of hearts. But one day, they all became separated from themselves, each half divided and left all alone. One was never complete without the other, and they spent their whole lives searching for their other half. They called the two parts of the same person soulmates. Back then, everyone wanted to find their soulmate. Life then wasn't about survival, it was about finding someone to survive it with. Our ancestors were dependant people, and some say that was their fatal flaw."

"What do you say?" Clarke asked quietly, and Nadia smiled.

"I say being alone all our lives is the fatal flaw. We are creatures of companionship. And this word they used to use all the time, love? It is the glue that keeps humanity alive. We can't run from it. So stop for a minute, Clarke. Ask yourself, why do you cringe at the word? What do you say love is? Weakness or strength? Then you let Bellamy know." And then, Nadia stood and left, like the sun setting in the evening, one minute burning brightly, the next, gone. And Clarke was left in the quiet darkness of night.

__________

The next morning, Bellamy's stomach still felt like it did yesterday, his thoughts a raging war and his heart the drummer boy. Seeing Clarke last night, her face, her voice, kept him up all night. He wanted to know everything. All that happened to her, where she went, how she felt when she was gone. But something in the back of his head poked and prodded like a surgeon on the Ark. Why didn't she ever come back? When he thought of that question, his muscles tightened and his knees felt weak, not from sadness, but anger. Who did she become? Why did she deem it acceptable to leave without a trace? Was home to him not home to her anymore?

"Bellamy, you in there?" Octavia asked, poking her brother's head and peering at his face.

"I'm fine, O." he grumbled.

"Well, you better be. We worked really hard last night, but you didn't seem in it, at all. Are you okay to do this? Because it's very important." She asked.

"I'll be fine," he said. "I have a lot of things to talk to this leader about." His fists clenched and his jaw tightened. Octavia noticed, but said nothing. Whatever Bellamy was distraught about, it couldn't be good. The last time she'd seen him this worked up, was when Clarke left. And that took him months to come back from, Octavia just hoped this wasn't similar, for his sake, and their people's sakes.

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couple notes:

first of all, thanks so much for all the votes and comments!! they mean the world to me, so keep commenting! I love to hear feedback on what I'm writing.
also, this story is turning out to be WAY longer than I originally planned, so that's good for all you. (:
third, I am so sorry it takes me so long to update each new chapter, especially this one. I literally had no time last week to even sleep. but I had some today!
lastly, if you watch teen wolf- stay tuned for a new story I'm writing, titled Please Don't Say You Love Me (based on the song by Gabrielle Aplin)
soooo, I hope all my readers have a great week and enjoy this chapter, it was one of my favorites! And I love Nadia, don't you?

xoxo, grace