Complicated |Holger Badstuber|

Believe

Ruth's POV

January 2015

I had never been that close to someone before. I could feel Holger and I being one right then.
- How do you feel? – Holger questioned lying next to me with his arms wrapped around my still shaking body.
- Wonderful. – I whispered and planted a fast kiss on his lips. A smile spread across his face and I couldn't help biting my lip. – It was just like a miracle. – I added quietly and Holger kissed my forehead softly.

August 2016

- Ruth? – Someone shouted and I shook my head trying to get away from the flashbacks of my first time of making love. – Ruth, are you here? – It was louder now.
- Yes. – I opened my eyes widely and saw Kathrin sitting on the sofa next to me.
- What was going on with you? – She questioned laughing quietly.
- Just memories. – I murmured looking down. A deep sighed of mine followed.
- Exactly what memories? – Kath asked slowly.
- Nothing important. – I shook my head and faked a smile at her.
- That doesn't work on me. – She told and looked at me with that 'I know you are just hiding something' look. – You called me to come from Berlin. There must be something going on. Just tell me.
- Alright. – I stood up and leaned against the near wall. – You know how I've always been sure what I want and most of the time how to get it? – Kathrin just nodded as a 'yes'. – And right now. – I paused to sigh. – Right now, I have no idea what I want.
- Welcome to my world. - Kath just laughed. – This is about Holger, isn't it?
- Maybe. – I said and she giggled again.
- Gonna take this as 'yes'. – Kathrin stood up and walked to me. – Come here. – She pulled me into a hug and I wanted to start crying. – It's alright. We've all been through something like that. – Kath whispered and stroked my hair. – Let's go get some drinks out in town and we will talk tomorrow. – She suggested and I couldn't say 'no'.

- Don't you miss our teenage years? – I asked as Kath and I were lying in bed listening to our favourite songs while drinking cold beer. Kathrin laughed and I turned to her.
- At least once a week. – She said through giggles. We both had drunk too much but couldn't care less.
- Remember when you were 'come on, find yourself a boyfriend so we can go on double dates!' and I was 'oh, no. I am waiting for my prince to come and take me to a huge palace where we will live happily forever.' So I found my prince. He disappointed me. Now I want him back. But I am too scared to have my heart broken again. – All the words just escaped my mouth. I wasn't even thinking. – All those fairytales just suck. They don't teach us how awful life can turn out to be at times. It's always that happy ending. They make you believe that there is no way things would go badly.
- They make you believe if you let them. – Kath grinned and I sipped some beer.
- So it's my fault that I wanted to believe in true love? – I questioned staring at the ceiling.
- No. I just guess you shouldn't expect too much from life to get what you really want. – Kathrin told and tried to understand her words. Maybe she is right. I thought.
- I believed in lots of things and now I'm not sure anymore. – I mumbled.
- There are two things you should believe in. – Kathrin took my hand and squeezed it. – First, you should believe in yourself. – I felt a smile making her way up my face. – Secondly, you should believe in all your dreams.

Holger's POV

- I'm tired of this, Holger! These days you are just not yourself! – The trainer said to me after all the other lads left the pitch. – I'm not sure if you will be in the starting XI this week. It's just that your head is not here – not in the game. I can't take this risk. Last week you made a few mistakes that could cost us the win.
- I'll be alright. I promise. I'll stay and train now. I'll be ready for Saturday. – I stood up from the bench and stared at the trainer heading to the changing room. I can't believe this is going on. I thought while running with the ball in my feet. I have to concentrate. My mind has to be in the game not thinking about Ruth.
- Need company? – I heard someone shouting and saw Toni smiling at me.
- Would be great. – I passed him the ball and he shoot to the goal. – But help me and make sure that my head is here and not somewhere else. - Toni threw me a confused look and I only shook my head. – Just if you see that I am getting distracted, hit me. – Ruth, just get out of my mind. I need to think about football.