A Spidey Fanfic

5: bloopers

Felicia noticed that Peter had been standing in front of the rice aisle for quite some time. He picked out a box, stared at it for five seconds, and fell on his knees, sniffling. Felicia and the film crew slyly slid their ways towards Peter and facepalmed. The box he picked up had read, 'Uncle Ben's Brown Rice :TO DIE FOR! (-and a thumbs up-)'.

FROM CHAPTER 2

"Hey there, name's Felicia Hardy. And of course, you are Peter Parker." Felicia stated, extending her hand even as Peter eyed her suspiciously.

"How the fuck do you know me? Also, HI FELICIA. AND BYE FELICIA." Peter as he gave an imaginary hair whip and turned on his feet, thot walking away as the crew members laughed.

"D.D.!" Deadpool cried in excitment, jumping on Daredevil's feet.

"What?!"

"WE NEED A NEW MEMBER! SOMEONE WHO CAN BRING US TOGETHER! LET'S ADOPT-"

"FUCK NO. We are in no way dating, and I-"

"WOAH! I WASN'T GONNA SAY THAT! Unless that's what you want..." Deadpool suggested, wiggling his eyebrows so flirtylicious that even the oblivious Peter Parker would get the hint. Daredevil paused for ten seconds before sprinting away as fast as he could run.

FROM CHAPTER 3

"Tony." Tony felt a small poke on his shoulder.

"Toooooony." Two more pokes followed. The voice grew louder.

"TONY THERE ARE TWO DRUNK WOMEN TURNT LESBIANS MAKING OUT WITH PEPPER AND A CHICK NAMED GINGER WHO HAS A BUNCH OF BEER WAITING FOR YOU WHILE A WOMAN NAMED BOOZE IS VIDEO TAPING ALL THE PARTS YOU MISSED! ALSO, THEY WANT YOU SO BAD THAT THEY'RE PLANNING ON MAKING OUT WITH JARVIS IN YOUR SUIT!" Tony's eyes immediately shot open.

"TAKE ME BITCHES!" He shouted. But Tony stopped and looked around.

"Liar."

°°°°°°°°

"Hey, you know what we would have called you if YOU had gotten the super serum instead of Cap?" Peter ask Bruce.

"No, what?"

Peter came incredibly close to his ear and whispered, "the Star Spangled Banner..."

CHAPTER 4

"Hey Spidey!" Peter turned around and saw a crazy hot woman with blond hair so light that it would have looked silver to any normal person. She wore an intensely tight cat suit that showed all the right curves, with white fur on the back of her long black boots and gloves and the same fur lining her long V-neck cat-suit that was zipped down so low that you would wonder when the whole suit would snap. "Hey, your ass looks sooo much better than it does on TV by the way hun." Spider-Man ignored the last word and the purr in the woman's voice as he eyed her with suspicion. He smirked.

"WHY THANKS BEAUTIFUL! ALL IT TOOK WAS A BITE!" (get it? spider bite?")-Luxy

Black Cat looked at him oddly. "Umm... Are you like... gay or something? (No offence to gays actually, I support :D tbh I think gay couples are adorable)"

"Spidey frowned under his mask and held his hand on his chest. "Uh, excuse me, so what if I am? Not too bad yourself by the way, hun."

The film crew snickered as Black Cat mumbled a "nevermind" and flipped away, not bothering to show off her moons.

"That'll keep her away." Spider-Man mumbled.

°°°°°°°°°

Peter scanned his mind for anyone fitting the new burglar's profile, but before coming up with an answer, he shrieked as he was pulled into a building and thrown onto a chair, which he now sat on.

Peter looked around the dark room, but couldn't find a thing, that was until a bright light clicked on in front of him. He could see the faint figure of a woman sitting opposite of him with a flashlight and a clipboard.

"I am, I would like to ask you questions." She said, Peter gulped.

Silence fell on the two.

.....

.....

"RAPE! RAPE! SOMEBODY HELP ME THIS WOMAN LOCKED ME IN HERE HEEEEEEELLLLPPP!" Peter shouted from the chair.

°°°°°°°°°°

*bing*, came Tony's ringtone. The billionaire picked up the phone and read Pepper's message.

"Got a new assistant!" Tony texted back.

"Cool. Is she cute?"

*bing*

"He's a guy Tony."

"Is he cute?"

*bing*

"TONY!"

"HE IS ISN'T HE! ♡ (˘▽˘>ԅ( ˘⌣˘)"

*bing*

"You are a sad little man."

"A sad little drunk playboy genius man."

°°°°°°°°°°

When the doors opened Peter paused for a moment to see where everyone was. Fortunately, everybody was on the couch with their backs facing Peter. Unfortunately, the volume was set low because a few people had complained once to Tony. Fortunately, Peter was light and quiet.

Yes, everybody failed to notice the tall stick figure tip toeing in the back of them, they were too busy watching Mean Girls. Peter grabbed the green file and went back.

Before placing his second foot in the elevator, Peter purposely banged his foot against the tile floor to catch everyone's attention.

Pietro immediately ran towards the elevator, where he caught a glimpse of a tall and skinny teenager with large brown eyes and brown hair.

Right before the elevator doors slammed shut, the kid shouted, "MY NAME JEFF!" before Pietro crashed against them.

"What was that?" Asked Steve and Sam in unison.

"Some guy named Jeff took off with a green folder."

OKAY SO HERE YOU GO... SORRY THE BLOOPS ARE SHORT... AGAIN, IT'S KINDA HARD MAKING THEM FUNNY AFTER THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO THIS WHOLE TIME. MAYBE I SHOULD PUT BLOOPERS EVERY TEN CHAPTERS... YEAH, I'LL PROBABLY DO THAT.

BY THE WAY, YA'LL ARE STILL FREE TO SUGGEST PRANKS BECUZ THE NEXT CHAPTER IS CALLED "HOW TO PRANK A PETER". IT'S NOT JUST PRANKING THO, THERE IS GOING TO BE MORE BLACK CAT, AND THE AVENGERS ARE PLANNING TO HAVE A TALK WITH SPIDEY THE DAY HE PUT THE (FOR EVERYONE BUT STARK) UNBREAKABLE COLLAR ON PETER, IT'S ALSO THE SAME DAY RED TEAM STRUGGLE TO TAKE IT OFF OF HIM...

AND AGAIN... ANY SPOILER QUESTIONS? I ALREADY WRITE CHAPTERS THAT SHOULD BE IN THE NEAR SIXTIES LOL... AND AS FOR THE PLOT TWIST... I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT FOR DAYS...

HAVE FUN!

Also, I have both a wattpad and fanfiction.net account so if I mention comments that u couldn't see it's probably cuz it was from the other site.