Finding Hope (Lesbian Story) Two

Prologue

              Nene's View

     Leaving Jai like that, that night was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but what was I to do ? I had to get home and tie up loose ends. I never intended to hurt her like I did but I couldn't sit there and act like everything was fine. I couldn't continue on knowing what I'd done. Sleeping with my bestfriend wasn't supposed to happen. She just , she just knows my weakness and in the heat of the moment I gave into temptation. I gave in the feelings I try to deny. What Jai doesn't know is I'm a nympho. No matter what I do sex consumes my every thought it's what I crave more than anything. With living so far apart it's hard. My bestfriend knows this, she knows sex is my addiction I can't get enough.
During sex I'm at my highest I can escape everything it's like nothing and no one matters. And as bad as I tried to fight the urges it's like I couldn't focus, couldn't function. I have to have it , but I never wanted to hurt Jai. That look of pain, disappointment, sadness made me feel evil and worse. Her ignoring me and walking out like that destroyed me, but I knew I couldn't go on pretending like I'd done no wrong. Its been months and I still haven't found the courage to talk to her to tell her how truly sorry I am. She deserves happiness and a family.
     Truthfully seeing Jai with Jalissa makes me feel some envious I would say only because I I've always wanted to experience those moments with my own. I've been keeping a huge secret and that night at dinner I was going to tell her. I was going to tell Jai that night about my four your old twins Ra'len Ashai and Ra'onna Ashanti. Their the reason I fly back and forth so much. What Jai also doesn't know is that I'm not giving up once I fly back I started making preparations to make a major change.
    All summer I've been looking at houses and colleges and I've decided moving to Atlanta would be best. A fresh start for new beginnings and happier endings.
     I knew I had to make things right. Leaving things the way they were was heartbreaking, but like I said I had to tie up loose ends. Moving is the best decision for me and my babies.I hated leaving her behind every time I flew away getting help from my mom to watch her, but it was a necessary must. See outside of my sisters and best friend no one knows about Ra'len and Ra'onna. I like to keep my children private, they are my world and I'll never let harm come their way nor do I introduce them to everyone I date.

     At first seeing them was the hardest thing ever. They were a painful reminder of a terrible point in my life. Their conception was the worse, I was sixteen staying the weekend with a friend. In the mist of the night her father came in drunk, fussing and knocking against the wall when he took each step. He then came closer touching me, he took advantage of me and I ended up pregnant with his babies. The babies of a rapist, my friend's dad.
     I went six months without knowing and by then an abortion wasn't a option. Months after I turned seventeen I gave birth to a beautiful little girl on December 29,2009 and once I took one look at her I knew I couldn't give her away, I just knew she was my joy. Despite everything she was apart of me an everyday I'm glad I choose to keep her. I made a promise to protect and love her no matter what and I plan to keep it. My little mini me deserves the world and she's going to get it.

     Back to the present moment. As I look around my apartment while movers are loading all our stuff I can't help but smile, Im finally leaving the place that has been my hell for soo long.

    I thought to myself. I'm leaving everyone and everything, the bad and good behind.. I have to let the past be the past and focus on the future.

     I just hope I can fix things with Jai and finally allow her to meet my little one. As I leave my thoughts I can hear the pitter patter of little feet. I turn around as she smiles up at me, scooping her up kissing her nose I asked "are you ready to see your new home?" she smiles brightly "yes mommy, yes yes yes!" I laughes at the hypeness she through at me .
    Leaving for the airport deciding to never look back.