Only Given What You Can Handle part 3

Twelve

Me: You said our daughter? Will she be ok and when can she go home?

Doctor: Yes Mr. Morris you're having a daughter. She will be ok from the physical. She will have some permanent marks but we are going to set her up with many people that are going to help her get through this also. We want to monitor her and your daughter so we will keep them over night. Again sorry that this has happened and I'm glad to hear the monsters got arrested.

She walked out and I turned my attention to happiness who was trying to smile but I can tell she was in pain. I kissed her lip and told her congratulations on her baby girl. I seen the tears start to fall. Fifteen minutes of me consoling her, our attention went to the two officers who walked in the door with the doctor. She told us that they was there to take happiness statement.

She told them everything she remembers before she passed out and hearing every last detail of what happened to her, made me want to go and kill Bre but she was locked up. The whole time she recalled what happened, they recorded it, she cried and was squeezing my hand tight. I could feel her shaking and I know she wanted to just stop talking but every time she took a break our moms kept telling her to don't give up.......

Honestee's POV

It has been a month since the worst day of my life happened. I tried to get my life back together but I couldn't just move forward. I felt a certain way towards O and Lucky. The day that all happened plays over and over in my head. I went to see Bre bitch ass and she was lucky the glass was between us. I have never did anything to her but she felt the need to put her hands on me and enjoy what her dad did to me for over an hour!

When Ray was done with me the first time, Bre had the twins touch, beat and torture me. Because I wouldn't stop screaming and praying to be saved she started beating me. I remember Ray coming back into the room, telling them to get out the bed with me, he climbed in and had his way with me. In the middle of him forcing hisself on me, I was screaming and trying to fight, Bre started chocking me and that's the last I remember until I woke up in the hospital.

I know O did all he could to get to me and save me but he was to late and the damage was already done. I had two black eyes, bruised bloody nose, bruised wrist, ribs, hips, knees and ankles, burn marks, bite marks and bruises through out my body. I have permanent marks on my body and hate seeing them daily. I refuse to let O touch or lay next to me. We tried sleeping in separate rooms for a little while but that didn't help me.

I am see a psychiatrist three times a week and a support group twice a week. Court is coming up soon and I will have to face Bre and the twins faces again. I'm not ready for that at all because I will have to relive that day all over again but they need to be punished. I have moved out the house with O and he has the twins, I do stay the night twice a week in the guest room but gets the twins two days a week. We meet for the babies appointments and counseling.

I know he loves me and wants us to be together but I don't know how to put the past behind me. O has given me the world, a big family and more love than a woman can ask for but with all I been through over the years I can't let this just go. Our lives will never be the same no matter how much we try to move forward. No one knows what I go through and how I live in fear. We're having a daughter and if he couldn't protect me my fear is how will he protect her.

I know he will do everything in his power to make sure we are safe but with all the protection and safety he had for me, it didn't stop me from getting hurt. How will he protect any of our kids? I live in fear every day and no one gets that. I'm learning to not blame O for what happened but I was the pond in the middle of their hatred and now I have to suffer. Today we went to counseling and now we going to go to dinner and talk.

O: Be honest happiness what do you want to do?

Me: I don't really know! We been through so much it's hard to just say what I really want! What about you?

O: I want our family back under one roof and us together! That is never going to change but you have to do what you feel is right and I have to respect that!

Me: Lil O is going on eight, OJ is seven months, Jhordyan is going on nine, the twins are going on fifteen and we have this lil one coming in three months or so! What I'm trying to say is everything we been through I don't want our kids to go through! I live in fear of someone hurting them and no matter how much you beef up security O that didn't help save me so we have to be realistic about this and think about your street life and the life I want for them!

O: So what you trying to say?

Me: I went and talked to a lawyer about a divorce. If we go through with it I am willing to give you the twins four nights a week, two of those nights you will get the other three and until this one is of age to go with you,  and you can see her whenever you want. I'm not asking for much but that we stay fair on the businesses, cars and houses.

O: I'm not signing no divorce papers yo! I have fucked up and I beat myself up everyday about this shit but I never wanted to lose my family over this! I don't and will not sign no papers! You're ready to just throw this away like this?

Me: I'm not ready to throw nothing away but we been threw a lot and I can't take going threw nothing else right now! I'm trying to move past this but I feel like this is the only way.

O: Look I get that you feel unprotected and that this is my fault but come on you letting them win! I did what I had to, to get to you and yes it took a minute but I never wanted them to hurt you! I'm not giving up my family! Get that through your head right now!

After O said all He needed to, he didn't let me respond he just walked out. I sat at the table for a minute, crying before I got up and walked out. He will never understand how I feel. I'm not taking the kids from him and I don't want to lose him but I feel like looking into a divorce would be great. I need time to myself and away from O just for a little while....