I Want Her

I'm always there for you

It took Lindsey a few days before he made himself talk to Stevie. He knew her well enough to expect far from the best, calm reaction. He had to find a way to approach her subtly about it. So, when he came home from work on Friday, he had bought himself a couple of bottles of beer to help him loosen up a bit. Like any other night, he greeted Stevie and Ella, before they sat down for dinner, not even thinking of uttering a word about the matter, just keeping up the mindless chatter. 

After they ate, Lindsey offered to do the dishes, suggesting to Stevie to go relax in the living room and he would be right there with her in a few. When he came in, he saw Stevie baby talking to Ella, who just stared up at her mother without the slightest clue of what was going on.

"Is she talking back to you?" Lindsey bent over, kissing the top of Stevie's head, before he walked around the couch and sat next to her.

"Well, of course! We're having a very deep conversation, actually were, now you've interrupted us." She glanced at him, immediately knowing something was bothering him. "Something on your mind?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I just know you and the expression on your face now tells me there's something you have to tell me."

"You're right. Although, I want to ask you..."

"I hope it's not for my hand, because I'm in no shape to be wearing a wedding dress at the moment." She joked, resting her back against the couch, as she lay Ella on her chest.

"No, not yet. But do keep that in mind." Lindsey smiled, taking her hand, as he entwined their fingers together. "Well, honestly... It's... Your doctor, he brought it up."

"Oh? When was it you talked to him?"

"Still at the hospital, before Ella was released. He... there isn't an easy way to say it, and I am saying it with the greatest respect and care for you."

"Go on, Lindsey. What is it?"

"He thinks that Ella's premature birth really hit you hard and that you're suffering from depression."

"Depression?" Stevie pulled her hand away. "What, do you think I'm crazy?!"

"Depression doesn't mean you're crazy, Steph. You just... well you haven't been happy and you've changed, you're mostly upset over things, your mood constantly keeps changing. He didn't say we should send you away or something, no, baby. He thought it would be good for us to simply talk about it, for you to feel that you're not alone, that you have me and I'm not going away."

"There is nothing to talk about!"

"See, now this is not your normal behavior. You don't just explode. Yes, you have a temper, but you're never like this."

"I'm fine. Completely fine and I don't need to talk it over again and again, nor do I need to go see some shrink, who'll prescribe me some pills, I'll most likely get hooked on and then you won't ever see the real me again." She got up to her feet with that and stomped out of the room and upstairs.

Well that went fucking smoothly, Lindsey sighed, head in hands.

Stevie didn't say one word to Lindsey the rest of the evening, as she spent it with Ella in the nursery, singing, talking, reading a story to her, despite the fact the girl was much too young to understand it. After feeding the baby, Stevie lulled her to sleep and put her in the crib, not really wanting to go to the bedroom, which meant being with Lindsey.

Taking a deep breath, she entered the room, not lifting her eyes up at him once, as he already lay in bed, with a book. She took her nightgown and went to the bathroom, to freshen up and change, before she got into bed as well, and turned on her side, her back facing Lindsey. She didn't want to sleep yet, her mind was racing about what he said earlier, but she pretended anyway.

Lindsey turned the light off in about another half an hour and lay down on his back, exhaling deeply, as he closed his eyes. It didn't take very long, before Stevie turned around and scooted closer to him, laying her head on his chest, as his arm wrapped around her without hesitation.

"I'm sorry I reacted the way I did."

"It's okay, I kind of expected it. I really didn't mean to offend you or anything."

"I know... besides, you're probably right. I know I'm not myself, but can you really blame me?"

"No, of course not." He spoke calmly, stroking her hair. "But I do think you'd feel better if you told me how you're feeling. Honestly."

"I'm better now. You were at work and I got up, with sheets soaking, I realized my waters had broken and I instantly called an ambulance, the whole time thinking it's too soon, it's way too soon. You know... I was almost sure I'd lose her, babies are supposed to come at nine months, not seven. I couldn't stop crying, I was hysterical. The doctor didn't say much, he just ran some tests, did an ultrasound and said they'll have to operate. I understood it was the safest choice for the both of us. Then when I woke up, I was feeling physical pain, my heart was hurting so much. I thought I lost our daughter, I'll lose you too and my life would be over..." He felt his own eyes well up with tears hearing this, as it was obvious she was openly crying. "Then you told me that she survived. I felt so relieved, still scared, but so relieved. I had never prayed so hard in my life, I spoke to God, saying I can give up everything, just let my girl live."

"Oh God, Steph..." He swallowed uneasily, squeezing her around the shoulders. 

"It started getting better when she made it through the week, two week, the first month, the second month, before eventually the doctor said she was fine to be taken home. I had never been happier in my life, nor do I believe I ever will. So, yes, if you think I'm mostly upset, I am, well, I'm more afraid of not knowing what the future holds in store for us. It was a huge shock, but I think I'm getting there, having you will definitely help me to get back to my old self."

"I didn't realize how tough it's been for you, I knew it wasn't easy, but..."

"I've shared it, Lindsey, my true honest feelings, but can we please leave it in the past now? It's... it is very painful to dwell on it."

"We can, but swear to me if you feel like you need me, I'm always there for you. Always."

"I know." She nodded against his chest. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby. More than you'll ever know." He pressed a kiss to her forehead and then they both closed their eyes, falling asleep a lot easier.