Wanting Me

1. Starting over with Me

1. Starting over with Me  *Not edited*

I am only human.

It had been a long and grueling 48 hours, but the house standing before us was like a breath of much needed air.

The off white siding and the black shutters were a very nice contrast with the white wooden porch and steps with a matching railing. Even the red rose bushes that were planted below the windows looked cheerful in the fading afternoon light. There wasn't a garage or carport, so the gravel driveway that circled the house would have to suit our car for now.

I had to thank our pre-planning idea, the furniture, cooking utensils, most of the decorations and a new washer and dryer set were already inside the home and ready to use. All we had to purchase were the essentials and new clothes, since we didn't have time to get any of ours back at the home we left behind. The landlord, Mr. Roman, even installed a new security system over the summer so that we would feel extra safe at night, since we lived on the outskirts of the town and our nearest neighbor was at least a mile away.

It had taken us a year to flee the hell we've endured for 7 years. All of the secrets, the funds and weekend trips to this place had finally paid off and it felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I could even finish up my college career at the local Technical college in the spring, thanking my lucking stars that all of my credits were transferable and mom could continue working as a head doctor at the hospital. Her boss had arranged the transfer and whenever she was ready, her career that had been put on hold could finally restart again.

The process had gone so smooth that I thought at any moment it could come crashing right down on us.

But I still had my doubts, and the apprehension was still there that at any moment, my step-father could walk through the front door and drag us back with him kicking and screaming the whole way.

Shuttering at that thought, I took a deep breath of the chilled air and squared my shoulders.

Mom was fast asleep in the master bedroom, the pain pills finally kicking in so I was left with the job of bringing the rest of the stuff we had brought along into the house. It wasn't much, just a couple of bags of convenience store food, our pay-by-the-minute phones we picked up last night and a change of clothes we got from a department store. I had it all stacked up in the kitchen about 20 minutes later and as I was going through it, my phone started to ring on the counter. Picking it up, a familiar number flashed across the screen.

There was only one person who I had given my phone number back home to, my best friend Kelli. She was there to give me updates every little while to see what he was doing and if he had caught onto our trail yet. She would be our only tie back to that hellhole.

"What's up Kell?" I answered immediately with a smile.

"There's trouble in paradise." She answered immediately, her solemn voice making my stomach drop to the floor. My heart beat uncomfortably loud and I swear in the silence that followed, she could hear it thundering away.

"He's mad isn't he." I said after a few moments in silence, dreading the answer.

"He's isn't just mad, honey. Your stepdad's fucking insane."

"What did he do?"

"That piece of human scum tried to set your own damned house on fire and kill Bruce with a hatchet."

Oh my God.

My legs when numb for a moment and I had to grip the counter in a choke hold just to keep from falling to the tiled floor beneath me.

"D-did...he.." I could hardly breathe with the panic clogging my throat and it felt like someone had their hands on my lungs, squeezing the very life out of them.

"My dad saved him just in time." I almost cried out in relief when I heard that. "He came home just as your step-dad came out the front door swinging that thing around and almost made minced meat out of your puppy. And I would say I'm sorry that my dad knocked him out, but I was taught that it wasn't nice to lie to your friends."

I laughed breathlessly and steadied my shaking hand that was holding my phone.

"T-thank you Kelli."

"No need to thank me, dear. I'm just psyched that we get to keep him for now and away from that house. Which, by the way, my dad saved too. He tried to start a grease fire before grabbing the hatchet and only the stove got burned up and a little bit of your wall when the fire department got there. They told us only a few hundred dollars in damage."

"That's good I guess." My smile only half returned, the weight of the situation at hand was too depressing to think of.

To keep myself from falling apart at the seams, I switched to lighter, more mundane topics like the community gossip and our trip up here. I told her that mom was doing just fine and a vague description of where we were at now. Sooner or later I knew he was going to question Kelli and her parents and I would've rather him not interrogate them to get to us. Too many people have already suffered because of us and I would rather burn in hell then let my closest friend and her family get hurt by that monster. It hurt just thinking about everything and everyone we left behind in the wake of the disaster and prayed that they could be protected by some unseen force. Even faith would be something I would use to go on at this point.

After all, it was all I had left.

-.-

It was nearly midnight when we both decided to hang up. Unpacking just the few things we had and cleaning up a little wore me out and Kelli had to study for her Spanish test that Friday. But before I could even say goodbye, she suddenly called out to me.

"Hey Serena?"

"Yeah?"

"Before we hang up, can I ask you something?"

I put down the glass of water I had been drinking out of and faced the bare wall of the dining room before me. Everything around me was silent, save for the chirping of the crickets outside and the breeze pushing itself against the side of the house.

"Sure." I said.

Kelli paused for a moment before taking a deep breath over the phone. My stomach suddenly twisted in knots just waiting for her question to leave her mouth.

"Are you guys gonna come back?"

I froze.

For a split second, I thought about telling the honest to God truth. She deserved it after everything that she had put up with by being my friend over the years. But something deep inside of me that gripped my soul and didn't let it go. Something that had blossomed for the last 7 years and grew into something unstoppable, something that I couldn't even begin to control. It had haunted my dreams and consumed me in the day. The very same thing that changed me from from the innocent child that I was once, long ago.

And that was fear.

An aching, consuming emotion that terrified me everyday. It taunted me constantly. To live, to eat, to sleep.

To even breathe.

And that fear came in the form of my step-father.

Kelli deserved to know what monster crept under my bed, what caused us to flee the home I once knew and loved.

But standing there, in the dead silence and taking a look at what destruction we had caused, I couldn't do it. Not to her.

Not to anyone anymore.

So I did what I thought was right. I did what I believed was saving her and the people she loved most. I spared her the pain I had suffered through alone for years. I let the fear inside of me take control.

I lied.

Like the coward I was, I lied to my best friend.

"Yeah, we are. We'll be back soon Kelli. I promise."

And the worst part?

She believed every god damned word I said.