Hate, or Love? (Sequel to Me, or Her?)

Part 3: Dubious Uttering

He takes a step backward, but his happy expression stays the exact same - unless, if it did change, it was only a heartbeat that I missed before returning to its initial face. "I'm sorry, warrior. Hey, maybe someday you and I could start a Clan together? I could be the medicine cat, and you could be the leader. It could be called CedarClan, or ScampClan.... Which sounds better to you? I personally like ScampClan."

I gaze at him in silence, my burning anger gradually cooling off. I like to think that it is the night air that is doing so. But again, he dodged my outburst at him so simply, like a fish slithering out of the paws of an untrained apprentice. How is he able to keep his blissfulness so easily? For a moment I am slightly envious of his ability, while I am practically raised upon anger and grief and... I realize, envy.

How ironic.

But with my rambling thoughts, and the talk of Clans, my hatred for Rosebreeze and my ache for Hawkstrike reoccurs.

"I'm sorry, Scamp, but I honestly have had enough of Clans to my liking." Slowly, and consciously aware of the black tom watching me warily, I settle myself down on the ground. The hotness and coldness I feel right now inside of me swirl around each other, like a storm is about to break out and shed its tears of anger and sadness.

It is exactly how I feel at the moment.

Scamp then closes the small distance between us and lies down next to me. My skin tingles uncomfortably where his fur brushes against mine, but I stay put. "Don't be so sad, Cedarfrost. That was is the past. Everything is in the past once it has passed. Like the words I just said to you, they are now in the past! Time just keeps moving on and on and on, and as it does, things change. And as things change, they get better." He pauses and sets his chin down on one of his paws. "Things always get better. Eventually."

I turn my head away from him and stare out into the darkness of the trees. The words he just said were ramblings from a crazy cat. "That's easy for you to say," I murmur to myself, and pray he did not hear me. If he did, he gives no sign of it.

I feel like I am trapped in this endless rotation of distraught. Of vexation. Of despair. It has been not even a full sunrise, as Scamp said before, that I have been with him, a full night since Hawkstrike forced me from the Clan, to be alone with Rosebreeze for the rest of their lives, yet it feels like several moons. My claws dig into the cool dirt beneath me and I hiss out a breath, a fresh wave of all these horrible feelings crashing down on top of me.

There is a slight rustling beside me as Scamp gets up from where he was beside me. The sudden rush of cold air meets the side on which he was on, but I do not turn my head to look at him. A heartbeat later, he reappears in front of me, and the small whiff of the mouse causes me to look in his direction then. He sets the dead mouse down in front of me and nudges it forward.

"Here, eat," he says softly. "It's growing cold, but the food will help your wound heal a bit quicker overnight." He glances up at the sky to where the moon is steadily falling down the starry expanse above the forest's canopy. "Or overday, I guess."

A quiet mrrow escapes from my mouth, but only lasts half a heartbeat. I take that it is from the madness that I feel faintly pressing at the edges of my consciousness, lingering, as if waiting to pounce once the time is right. With no word, I begin tearing into the tender, rather cold meat, but my belly is thankful still.

When I am finished eating, I look up to barely see Scamp a bit away from me in the thick darkness. It seems that he is searching for something in the trees, but I cannot guess what. I have just eaten; I don't need anything more. Maybe he is hunting for himself? But from the quick scans and straight posture compared to the focused crouch for hunting, that throws that out of the question. However, before I can ask, his figure perks up in the minuscule moonlight and he lunges forward behind a tree, now out of my view. After a few long heartbeats of him not reappearing, I decide to get up and go -