The Ghosts

Chapter Two, Part One

“You still need to try.” He tugged on my hand and I let him pull me over to the table. “Start with toast and then we’ll talk if you’re still not feeling hungry.”

We ate in silence, the only noise in the room came from the mp3 player by the TV. When I was finished picking at my piece of toast, I curled up, pulling my knees to my chest.

“So…”

He put his fork down and looked at me, obviously not liking what he saw.

“So…”

The lack of words had to mean something. I didn’t know how many girls he brought home, slept with, cooked breakfast for, whatever and then…

“Did you lie last night and this morning?”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Did you just…tell me what you thought I wanted to hear? Was it…”

He waved a hand, cutting off my words. “I didn’t lie. Not about that.”

“How long?” His frown got deeper. “How long have you noticed it and not said anything?”

“Which part?”

“Any of it. I’m sort of…lost as to how we’re supposed to…proceed.”

Inexperienced, that’s what I was. I wasn’t afraid to admit it, I wasn’t a tramp. I didn’t sleep around and I never planned on doing it, ever. It was a part of Guild life I wasn’t going to participate in even though I’d caved on the drinking aspect.

He picked up his knife and started twirling it.

“How long I’ve felt it really doesn’t matter. What the issue, or at least I’m assuming, is you don’t know where to go from here.”

“That’s what I said.”

“Well, where do you want to go from here?”

I raised my eyebrows. “I don’t know. You’re…you’re my…mentor. What we did last night and this morning has to be…against the rules.” I sighed. “And the only time we do anything like that again.”

He stopped twirling the knife to gauge if I was being serious or not. When he got the hint that I was, he got up from his chair and came around the table. He didn’t say anything as he cupped my cheek and kissed me. That deep down tickle from the night before came roaring back to life and it took everything inside to keep myself still. I really just wanted to tackle him to the floor and do what we did last night again and so much more. Instead I just sat there, kissing him back. When he pulled back, ending the kiss but keeping our lips barely touching, we were both breathing hard.

“I can’t deny that, Geo. I’m going to feel it every time I look at you. Even sitting across the table from you this morning felt like needles were being driven under my skin because I wasn’t touching you in some way.”

I shrank back. What Michael said sneaked into my brain.

You’re mine, Georgiana. Mine. You’ll never be his or the boy’s or anyone else’s. If I have to prove that then I will.

“It wouldn’t be a good idea. We’d have to keep it a secret and not…”

“Then we’ll keep it a secret until you think it’s the right time.” He rubbed circles into my skin.

“We’ll need rules.”

“Then we’ll make them.”

“Fine.” I swallowed, knowing what I was about to say may not be the right thing at the moment but knowing it needed to be said nonetheless. “Rule number one: No feelings.”

Something flashed in his eyes but he nodded. “Alright, if that’s how you want it.”

That was a little too cool and calculated.

“I just…”

I needed to move away from him. If I didn’t, I would never be able to say what I wanted.

“I know this is going to sound…awful and afterwards you may rethink this completely but…” I looked at him, at the point I usually looked when talking to him. “I can’t have feelings involved, ever. Something might happen that…you wouldn’t understand and I don’t want you to get hurt because of it.”

“Geo, what are you talking about?”

“Things with me are…there’s a lot more going on than what they appear, Gregori. You’re just going to have to trust me when I say you don’t want to get emotionally invested in me. You’ll just end up regretting it later.”

“So what you’re telling me is…you want a casual relationship with no ties, no titles, and no feelings? Just sex.”

“It sounds horrible when you say it like that but yes. This can’t be more than it is right now.”

“I don’t understand why.”

“One day you will, one day I’ll be able explain it all to you. But I just can’t right now.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s not the right time. There’s never really a good time for what I have to say.”

“Cryptic as ever, I see. You don’t celebrate Christmas and you won’t tell me why. You give me vague explanations as to what happened between you and the Vampires even though I had to console you after you woke up from nightmares. What exactly can you tell me, Geo?”

I looked him in the eyes, hoping he’d understand. But instead of finding understanding, I found anger. He had every right to be angry, none of this made any sense and what I was asking was ridiculous.

“You can’t fall in love with me.” I said it as bluntly as I could. “You can like me, you can want me, care for me all you want, but you can never love me.”

“Don’t you think when the time comes that it’s my decision?”

I looked away and rubbed my forehead. “This wasn’t supposed to happen, for more than the obvious reasons.”

“You mean because I was your mentor? Geo, once you become a full member of the Guild, you are no longer considered an underling. We are equals now, all previous titles were thrown away when you took the Guild’s mark.”

“You may be right but it would be looked down upon if anyone found out. You know that. Everything would be called into question.”

“I don’t understand you.”

That was hard to hear. Out of everyone I now associated with, I would peg Gregori as the one who knew me the most. I looked away from him and down at my hands. I couldn’t sit there anymore, explaining but not explaining why this couldn’t happen. It was just too…unbearable.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

I walked over to the table by the door and picked up my keys.

“Geo.”

I opened the door and left, Gregori still calling out my name.